Monday, December 31, 2012

Virginia's Pot Use

I found out today that Virginia, my 16-year-old daughter, has been smoking pot, by way of pictures of her doing so on the internet.  I am not opposed to adults smoking pot in the privacy of their own homes.  However, because I live in a state where pot use is illegal, in order for me not to go to jail for contributing to the delinquency of a minor, I have to stop her usage, using pee tests & taking away her tech stuff if she fails.  I have given her 30 days to clean out her system.

What is most disturbing is her inability to comprehend how not being discrete, by putting the pictures on the net, could affect her ability to get into collage or a job.  She just needs to behave, until she is 18-years-old.  Once she reaches that age, I am not longer legally responsible for her actions.  Until then, I have to battle every day to keep my sanity.


Sunday, December 30, 2012

I am really scared

The prison of the inmate who has been inappropriately writing my 16-year-old daughter called me this morning.  They said that my request for the inmate to stop calling and mailing my child has gone through the correct channels.  However, the gentleman said he was unsure as to whether or not the person who actually talked to the inmate put my name in the conversation, although I specifically asked that they did not, out of fear for my safety.  I am really scared & shall remain so, until I know my life is not in danger.


Thursday, December 27, 2012

Union/ Whore Tour

After the release of the website, last month's organizing meeting was the largest we have had, with 20 people attending, including some employees who had been with the company more than 10 years!  So I am feeling positive about the whole organizing process.  We have another meeting in two weeks.  At this point, it looks like it will be even bigger.

James said I am doing such an excellent job that I should ask for a full time paid position from the international headquarters of the union & travel around the country, teaching others how to successfully organize with the use of the internet.  Of course after hearing that, my whore business sense kicked in & I thought I could couple the union travel with a whore tour.  Brilliant...

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Killer's Letter

I found out recently that Virginia, my 16-year-old daughter, has visited & received love letters from an inmate.  When I did a search for him online, I found out that he killed a teenager & attempted to kill another in a gang murder.  I know that he she went to see him in prison, because inside the card was a picture of her & his family, surrounding him.

I am heartbroken on so many different levels.  First, we do not have a history of gang activity in my family at all & therefore, her being comfortable in such an environment is unacceptable.  Next, the letters he sent her were totally inappropriate for a 16-year-old to receive, including the picture of a dog with an erection on the front of the card.  Then, the only persona who could have gotten into the prison is the mother of the inmate, by wrongfully claiming she belonged to her, thereby making my daughter related.  Finally, after chatting with my family therapist we decided that I cannot have a conversation with anyone involved, including my daughter, the inmate or the inmate's mother, because the inmate has my home address & could do us harm if we take away his "toy".

I did contact the prison & spoke to the head of security & even he was stunned, saying they they rarely receive information like mine.  He said he would prevent the inmate from sending or receiving any mail from my daughter & stop her from visiting him in the prison.  He also agreed he would do so, without involving my name, by saying that "after a mail inspection" they came across the letter, which I returned to the prison.

After issues like this, although I love my daughter, I cannot wait to disassociate myself from her, as we had planned to do, when she turns 18-years-old.  Sadly, now it's a matter of life or death.


Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Mainstream Classes

I have decided to go more mainstream with my whore skills, by creating classes to teach to groups & couples, such as fellatio, cunnilingus, female squirting, anal sex, etc.  My best friend & assistant, Richard, is very excited about the thought.  Being the entrepreneur he is, he pictures national tours, dungeon parties, swing parties, videos, etc.

In order to get started, I will begin to create a blog with filler entries to bring people from all around the country to my website, which he will design. In the meantime, what kinds of classes would you like to see, from a professional sexworker?


Monday, December 10, 2012

Relationship Ends with Max

It seems that my relationship with Max has come to an end, as fast as it began.  Because of the chaos of his family & legal fights, he has had no time for me, cancelling dates on a regular basis.  We both agreed that we could see a future for us, but not right now.  So, for the time being things have come to a stand still.  Although disappointed, I am not angry about the situation, considering I had not become emotionally attached to Max.


Sunday, December 9, 2012

Cock Blocking by Thomas

As you recall, prior to my relationship beginning with Max, I went to my secondary boyfriend, Thomas, to see if me dating an acquaintance of his would make him uncomfortable.  Rather than having a conversation with me, he literally covered his face, with a blanket, & refused to discuss it, giving me the impression he was apathetic to the situation.

Guess what?!  I was completely wrong.  One evening, last week Max & Thomas found themselves in the same bar.  When Max entered, Thomas was sitting downstairs.  Feeling uncomfortable, Max avoided Thomas, by going upstairs.  Within 20 minutes, Thomas joined him.  

Knowing that Max had a date with me later that evening, Max told Thomas he had to leave to see me.  However, Thomas was not satisfied with that answer, so he started buying Max shots.  As the night grew longer, Max decided it was time to leave.  Heading home, he went outside to the main street & then turned the corner.  When he paused to light a cigarette, Thomas joined him, asking him to return to he bar.  He then bluntly said, "No, I am going to see Amanda".

Later, when I met Max & he described the evening events, I tried to come up with all sorts of reasons that Thomas may have behaved that way, such as he just wanted to hang out.  However, Max quickly corrected me, saying "He was cock blocking me, plain & simple"

Sigh...I wonder where all of this is going.


Saturday, December 8, 2012

Who is Going to be the Victim?

Max & I have been with each other frequently over the last week, without having penetration sex.  Penetration sex is my key boundary, when having a romantic relationship with someone, knowing that I become emotionally attached to partners, when I do.  We have done everything else.  :)

After an hour long blowjob, without using my hands, Max said "That by far is the best blow job of my life."  I don't think he had much choice, consider I am a professional sexworker who only does blowjobs.  Furthermore, he wants to gets his penis inside my vagina, so I doubt he would say "That's horrible".

For Max's part, he loves eating pussy.  I swear to god, I have never met a guy who could do that for 45 minutes, without his jaw falling off, or without my twat going numb.  He accomplished both.

So, that's our on going battle.  Who is going to be the victim, since each of us love performing oral so much?




Friday, December 7, 2012

Journals of a Polyamorous Triad: Getting What You Want

Journals of a Polyamorous Triad: Getting What You Want: In Polyamory - and probably no less so in monogamy - you spend a lot of time thinking about what you want. Getting what you want doesn't...

Practical Polyamory™: This Week on Savage Love: Dan Gives Poly People th...

Practical Polyamory™: This Week on Savage Love: Dan Gives Poly People th...: How lovely to see that Dan Savage was as good as his word when he remarked a week or so ago in the Slog Blog  that he would be giving polyam...

Organizing Website Goes Live

I finally released the website for my labor organizing campaign & absolutely nothing negative has happened.  In fact, it has been very empowering, with the use of facebook & twitter.  I am able to have anonymous conversations with everyone who has questions about the organizing, which numbers around a dozen daily.

I cannot imagine how difficult it would be to organize without the internet.  Talking to people over the course of several years must have been incredibly cumbersome.  Now, I can reach out to whomever I choose almost immediately.  Thank you, internet god!



Tuesday, November 27, 2012

James & Max meet for the 1st Times

A few nights ago, Max met James for the first time, but not under the best circumstances.  James & I were at a sexworkers discussion group in the evening, when Max texted me.  I asked him if he would like to meet James & he agreed, although he said he was not "100%". Him being not 100% was an understatement.   He was drunk.

He watched football all day, with his drinking pals & fellow bartenders, so by the time we caught up to him around 9pm, he was not in the best of position to be met for the first time, but was entertaining, nonetheless.

When he finally sat down with us, he apologized profusely for his current demeanor, but continued to tell James, his intentions & how much he enjoyed me.  James & I were a bit naughty, as we typically are, teasing him a bit, which put him at ease.

In the end, James agreed that he liked Max & was comfortable with me continuing the relationship.


Monday, November 26, 2012

Organizing Nausea

I am in the process of working on the final stages of the website for organizing the manual labor company I work for part-time.  Even as I type this now, I am nauseated.  It seems that I am having difficulty completing my project, without assistance from James.

I think all of this stems form the discussion I had with Thomas about the organizing.  Thomas is in the same manual labor industry as I am, but he is not part of the union or the company I want to organize.  Being a very smart man, he gave his opinion of what will happen if I choose to continue.  He said two important things.

First, he said that a group of people never went to the owners of the company to voice their grievances, so trying to organize them would be a professional bitch slap.  Then, he said that the company would go under in a few years, if they had to pay the additional money for benefits that would be bargained for if organized.

When I discussed those points with James & Joanne, James said the bargaining would take into account how much in overhead the company could afford.  Both of them said that individually people had gone to the owners to tell them their thoughts.  In addition, they may have thought they would lost hours if they tried that now, using the word "organizing" in the conversation.

So with the opinions of others in my ear, I am taking a deep breath & continuing.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Max's First Sleepover

For logical reasons, I am spending my first overnight with Max, my guy crush, this evening.  Because I am working as a wrench wench late into the morning, perhaps 3am, & Max lives within a few blocks of where I will be working, it only makes sense to stay at his place, rather than driving 40 minutes home.

Max is fully aware of my parameters & knows I will not have sex with him, until we are checked for STDs & James, my primary partner, is accepting of the relationship.  Since we have only known each other for a few weeks, we are not even close to either of those things happening.

Max says all he really wants to do is hold & kiss me.  However, I am not dumb.  I know he also wants to put his penis inside of me.  I am very curious as to how things unfold.  A man that knows & accepts his potential partner's boundaries is very special.  I hope he can be that man :)


Friday, November 23, 2012

Virginia's new job

Virginia, my 16-year-old daughter, has gotten a new job as a hostess at a local restaurant in the mall.  She is very excited & has made a list of all the things she is going to buy with her money.  As long as she keeps up her grades, I am very supportive.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Union Meeting a Bust

James & I went to the labor organizing meeting few evenings ago.  It was a complete bust, except for the vice-president of the union showing up too.  That was the first time no one has come to the meeting.  It's hard for manual labors to take a evening off, especially in the middle of our busiest season.

Although disappointed, I still have lots of faith about the organizing.  The industry in our city is going to be shaken up quite a bit, once the website, specifically create for this organizing project, is released in 2 months.

I am very proud of my efforts :)

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Max & I get comfortable

Max & I spent 5 hours with each other yesterday.  He said he is "taken" by me.  As a popular bartender in a large city, he is usually surrounded by woman who are not confident & want to jump into bed with him immediately.  I do not.  I want to go slowly.

I also seem to make him slightly, but excitingly, uncomfortable.  For example, when we went back to his place, after brunch, he sat all the way across the room from me, although I was sitting on a couch that could have accommodated both of us.  After we chatted for twenty minutes, I asked "Why did you choose to sit in that chair?"  His excuse was, "It's the most comfortable chair in the room"  When I cock my head to the side he continued, saying "I am used to people coming to me".  I replied "Please come sit next to me.  It would make me happy."  He responded with "I knew you were going to ask that.  Now that you have, I am going to stay here."  Eventually, he decided to join me on the coach & was rewarded with my touch.  However, it was "his idea".

Max it much like Thomas is.  He is guarded.  Hopefully, unlike Thomas, he will become comfortable with me & allow himself to get lost.

Tuesday, November 20, 2012

Dating Process

Because of the nature of my world, I have to be very cautious about the people I allow in it.  My polyamorous dating process is this...

1.  I have to spend considerable completely non-sexual time with a person, sometime up to 6 months.

2.  Once that occurs & we come to the understanding that we would like to start a romantic & sexual relationship, I go to James, my primary/live in boyfriend, asking if he is in a comfortable place in his world that I can divert time & attention away from him, in order to grow a healthy relationship with a new person.  If he says that's fine...

3.   I introduce the new person to James, usually through James cooking a meal for us.

4.  If everyone agrees to continue, the new person & I will have STD checks done.

5.  I give the new person a link to my "tribe" calendar, so he can see the daily schedule of our lives.  He is also allowed to add his own information, such as requested private times to be spent with me or the tribe.

6.  I hope for the best.

Because my life is going to explode in 2014, due to us moving, my daughter starting her life alone, my book being published, & a possible marriage, between James & I, I have to be very careful about who I invite into my world.  They have to fit, both in actions & personality.  It is long & drawn out process.  In the end, I think it's worth it.  I think the tribe is worth it.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Thomas Disappoints

After waiting a week, I finally got the opportunity to talk to Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, about his friend, Max, dating me.  His response was not a surprise, but a HUGE disappointment.  While laying in bed, he covered his head like a small child & said, "I am well aware that Max wants to date you.  You think we have something to talk about with Max, but we do not.  I have nothing to do with that situation."  I was speechless.

As a healthy polyamorous person, communication is the cornerstone of my world.  In one moment, he completely disassociated me & seemingly went into denial.  I am completely happy with my actions.  I did what was necessary for me to be comfortable with the situation.  

I am not sure what to do with Thomas now, except I have downgraded him to booty call.  Perhaps Max will fill his spot.  Perhaps not.  It will be fun finding out one way of the other.

Sunday, November 18, 2012

Birthday Swing

Thomas' birthday is coming up in a few weeks.  I have invited him to a swing club to celebrate.  Although I still have a membership, I have not been in a while & never with him.  The last time I went was with James, my primary boyfriend.  We did not have a great time, because of his lack of confidence.  I wonder if Thomas would be any different.  I would really love to find out.  I will let you know if he accepts my invitation.

Saturday, November 17, 2012

WebCam

I just set up my webcam hostess account at ifriends.com.  I thought it would be a great idea to be on cam, in between whore visitors.  Now I can make money, even when I am not sucking cock in person.  I mentioned allowing my visitors to record me, while sucking their cock & adding it the content to my fan club.  Of course the boys loved the idea.  They can be porn stars :)

Now, I just have to figure out a disguise, considering my profile can be seen by more than just my visitors who have been screened, by me.  I thought of a wig & glasses.  I love watching facials with girls in glasses.  Seeing the cum drip off the glasses, into their mouths, is a HUGE turn on for me.

James, my primary boyfriend, has been given the task of purchasing an easy to use video camera, for my boys to do the recording.  Do you have any suggestions?


Friday, November 16, 2012

Virginia is having sex again

Virginia, my 16-year-old daughter, is having sex again, after being abstinent for a year.  No, I am not happy.  However, I have tried to guide her to be sexually empowered, by conveying the message to her that she is the keeper of her body & only very worthy people should be given the honor of having sex with her.  Of course, she is 16, so what I perceive as worthy & what she perceives as worthy are two different things.

I did refill her birth control prescription, made sure she had enough condoms, & insisted that I meet the new boy.  She is a little wonky about me meeting the boy, because I am a bit intimidating, in person.  However, I have learned from experiences that if she think life will be easier for her, she will abide by my request.


Thursday, November 15, 2012

Matthew says no to New Year's Eve

I had my conversation with Matthew about not visiting with him for New Year's, but inviting him to my area instead.  As you recall, the reason was to save money & to give me an excuse not be his complete focus, considering I feel guilty for not wanting to try to have another romantic relationship with him.  I also feel like I would have a better time with a group of people, rather than with him alone.

As predicted, he declined the invitation, because I would be focused on other people.  However, he said he would create another way for us to have fun together in January or February.  He also added that he realizes I am not interested in him romantically & I should stop feeling guilty, because he is a grown man & can make his own decisions.

He is absolutely right.  I will no longer dwell on it.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Introducing Max

A collision of worlds took place over the weekend.  Thomas, my secondary boyfriend & sometimes boss, invited his employees out to dinner to pick up their checks from a particularly large job.  While their, I sat next to Thomas & as usual he ignored me for the most part, as he turned his back to me & watched the game on TV, because he is very discreet & prefers other employees to not know we are having sex.

20 minutes into my meal & tall gentleman sat at our table & at first only spoke to Thomas, putting me in the middle of the conversation, because each of them was on either side of me & spoke to each other across the table.  Eventually, the gentleman & I began to speak.

It turns out he was one of Thomas's best friends & business acquaintances.  That concept is incredibly strange for me, because in the 11 years I have known Thomas I have never met someone in his personal life...ever.

Max & I had an instant connection.  Although he proclaimed to be very shy, reminding me he sat in the corner of the room intentionally, he opened up to me about every facet of his world.  We chatted two hours after everyone, including Thomas, had left.  By the end of our evening, it was quite clear that we were interested in having sex with each other.

I explained to Max that I am polyamorous & I consider Thomas, his friend, my secondary boyfriend, although I have no idea how Thomas considers me.  Because of that, in order to have sex with him, I have to have multiple conversations with multiple people, over multiple weeks.  He grudgingly agreed.  Before we parted, we exchanged cellphone numbers & hugs.

The next morning, Thomas emailed me, explaining Max wanted him to pass along his cellphone number to me, although I already had it.  James, my primary boyfriend, explained that was a guy's way of finding out whether or not Thomas was okay with Max dating me.

This situation will lead to a very interesting conversation with me & Thomas.  Because Thomas is not able to explain his emotions easily, he has never told me where we stand, in terms of our relationship.  I do not know if he considers me his girlfriend, booty call, fuck buddy or what.  I do not know if he gave me Max's number because he wants someone else to attempt to make me happy or because he really does not care enough about me to stop it.  I have no idea.

The only way I can have this conversation with Thomas is in person, otherwise he will perceive it as rude.  Sometimes I see him four times a week.  Sometimes I see him once every 2 weeks.  I have even seen him once in 6 months.  So, I have no idea when the conversation will occur.

In the meantime, Max & I communicate by text daily & he tells me frequently, that he "just want to watch a movie & kiss".   James, giggles at me, knowing only such a situation would occur in my life, as I add another disciple to my altar.



Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Six cocks later...

My libido has been on a rampage for the last two days, so I think I must be getting ready to menstruate.  Six cocks later, I had my most profitable day as a cock sucker yesterday at $1450.00.  Normally, when it's a boy's first visit, I chat with him for 30 minutes, so he is not so nervous & then I explain my cock sucking fetish, etc.  For the last two days, I simply greeted them at the door on my knees, riding a vibrator, & ready to drink every last drop of their cum, after milking their balls with a blowjob that lasts an hour.  Yes, I can suck cock, without the use of hands for an hour.  I actually kind of zone out a bit, as I am doing it. By the end, they are doing back arches, as their body starts to shake, toes curl, dripping precum, & fingers go numb.  I have at least one boy a week who passes out.  I take it as a compliment.  I am often told that it was the best or longest blowjob they have ever received.

I completely love my job, except for the muscle strain on my neck & shoulders.  Hopefully, a massage will take care of that.  A grumpy cocksucker is a bad cocksucker. :)



Virgina & the Storm

This weekend a HUGE storm is supposed to hit our area.  Originally, James, my primary partner, & I were heading to a wedding.  However, I have convinced him to go alone, so I can stay home with my 16-year-old daughter, Virginia, & our dog.

I did not get the reaction out of Virginia I had hoped, although it was sadly the reaction as I expected.  The conversation, by text, went like this:

Me:  I am staying home this weekend.  The storm look like a big one & I did not want you to be alone.

Virginia:  I would have been fine, but okay.

Me:  I am not sure about that.  It's predicted to be very bad.  You are loved and you should not be alone.

Virginia:  Mom, I know you think I don't feel safe by myself, but I do.  That's why I prefer to be alone.  Thanks for your concern.

Me:  Wow, Virginia.  Just wow.  I try to do something out of pure love and I get no gratitude.  I am missing a very important event this weekend, because I am more concerned for your well being.  Thank you for making feel like shit.  I love you too.

Virginia:  You wonder why I don't tell you my feelings towards you & didn't I just say "thank you for your concern"?  Before you bitch at me, please reread everything.

Me:  You said "thank you for your concern", not "thank you for going out of your way to make sure I am safe and comfortable" or "thank you for giving up something important for me."  There was no simple thank you.  There was no gratitude.  There was no respect.  There was no love.

Virginia:  It's still gratitude, Mom.  Maybe not the lovey dovey  way you want, but I am not a lovey child that you want.  I'm heartless. You want a loving child?  Have another one.

Me:  A simple "thank you" works in most situations.  No need to add anything else.  The person hearing it makes the best out of what they hear, particularly by email or text, when no emotions are revealed.

Virginia:  Do you have a problem with what I do?  If you do, I'm going to tell you right now that I do not care.  I also don't care for your expectations, because I shall not, nor want to live up to them.  I will be be the bigger person & say thank you.

Me:  You are slowly pushing away the person who loves & respects you the most.  Just keep that in mind, as you proceed in your life.  Eventually, there will be no one.

Virginia:  Don't lie.  You have no respect for me.  Don't worry.  There will always be someone.

Me:  I hope you find someone who does not love and respect you half as much as I do not.


Monday, November 12, 2012

No personal information, please

I have asked Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, for advice on my New Year's Eve plans, because he is part owner of the restaurant I would like to use.  The downside is he has not shared his ownership in the restaurant with me, so I have to be a bit manipulative.

Thomas is kind of funny that way.  He shares very few personal things with anyone, even me, & he does not like to hear about my personal world, although he contributes to it.  I would go absolutely crazy with such a philosophy, if it was not for having James, my primary partner, who is not emotionally immature.

At one point, we discussed having unprotected sex, which would require me to get on birth control.  At first, he said yes.  However, later he declined, saying that after he researched birth control, he found out that often times weight gain is a side effect.  Knowing I am in the process of loosing weight, he did not believe that was a good idea.  

He does not want to discuss our personal lives, but he researched birth control for me?!  That's one of the most personal things a guy can do.


Sunday, November 11, 2012

Disneyland Cancelled

Because Matthew has asked for money for his retail store, I have asked him to cancel our planned New Years vacation to Disneyland.  He agreed to do so, but for other reasons.  He said the chick who was organizing the trip for 10 people for the week actually did not negotiate a good package.  The rate would have been $2500, not counting the Disney tickets or anything else.  That is not even worth considering for two people.

In the meantime, I have decided to stay home & plan something for New Year's Eve.  I am thinking dinner & then a burlesque show, with a dozen close friends.  Maybe a party bus to take us to the event.  I also decided to stay at home, rather than see Matthew for New Year's Eve, because I am tired of having to do the whole "I-wanna-be-your-boyfriend-again" dance.  I will, of course, invite Matthew to the festivities, but he will likely say no, considering he will not be my only focus.


Saturday, November 10, 2012

More Organizing Connections

I connected with five more people, while being a wrench wench, who are interested in organizing the manual labor company I work for part-time, when I am not whoring.  I forwarded their email addresses to the Local's vice-president who will invite them to the next organizing meeting next month.

Although the big push will take place, at the beginning of next year, through our website, Facebook & twitter account, much of the introduction to the concept is in person.  I am in the perfect position to do just that, considering I am charismatic, intelligent, & "one of them".

As things progress, I become more excited & positive. :)


Friday, November 9, 2012

Misdemeanant

If a person commits a felony, they are a felon.  What is a person called who commits a misdemeanor?  They are a misdemeanant.  Now you know too.  I looked it up, because my conviction was a misdemenor & I was looking for some bad ass title for what I was.  You know a little "street cred".  But no.  Misdemeanant just sounds like some kind of fetish.  Sigh...

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Labor Organizing Whore

I am in the process of organizing the company I do manual labor for part-time, into part of the local union.  I am in the perfect position to do it, because unlike others who are afraid to loose their job, if their activies are discovered, I have no fear, because as a whore, I have a job that pays substantially more, along with giving me benefits.

My dirty secret is that I am organizing out of revenge.  The office of the company I am attempting to organize had a position that I wanted for years & I told the owners that several times.  However, when the position was vacated, the rumor is they gave it to the daughter of the owner's neighbor.  That could just be a rumor, of course.  However, in the end, they never said anything to me.  They didn't even announce the position opening to anyone else I know of.  As frequently as they mass email everyone in the office, that would have been very easy to do.

Yes, I know it is arrogant of me to believe they would even consider me for the position.  Perhaps they believed that I was not a good match.  In the end, it doesn't matter.  They did not give me or anyone else the opportunity to apply.

Beyond that, the company is the lowest paying in the industy, although it is the busiest & quiet possibly the most profitable & they do not offer benefits to anyone in the field.  Recently, when I asked one of the new owners if the field people would be getting a raise anytime soon, he said "We will reevalaute things in about two years."  Two years?!

I really love this company.  I love the people.  I love the places we work.  I love the equipment.  I love my work & take pride in it (That's pretty obvious, consider I could be sucking cock, as a whore making $800 a day, rather than $19.50 an hour doing manual labor).  This company & the other people who are not as lucky as I am deserve my time & energy to organize.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Emotionally Stunted?

I spent the evening with Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, two night ago.  Sadly, Thomas is emotionally stunted.  No, that's not true.  He is not emotionally stunted.  He just has a hard time expressing his emotions, which make him seem emotionally stunted.  Every once in a while, he reveals something deeply emotional to me & I am surprised, because it's always unexpected.

Thomas grew up in a household in which emotions were not accepted, nor supported.  He never saw his parents hold hands & his father was a functional alcoholic.  He was marreid for 5 years in his early 20's to a women 10 years older than he.  She was caught cheating on him.  When he asked her to stop, she said she did, but continued.  Their marriage ended in divorce.  All of those factors have created Thomas, a grown man without the ability to express his emotions.

I know that I scare Thomas.  I think he believes that I make him weak, because I create very strong emottions in him.  So strong he is not able to share them with me, for fear of rejection.  When we lived together, 10 years ago, he would tell me he loved me, when he thought I was sleeping.  That's how afriad he was of my response.

I have learned to accept his failing, mostly due to my relationship with James.  James freely emotionally vomits on me.  Without that very human connection, I would be lost.  For my part, I have told Thomas that I am in love him, without expecting a reponse, which he predictably did not deliver.  I also give him lost of hugs & little kisses.  Perhaps one day he will be comfortable doing those things for me, without prompting.  If not, I still have Thomas :)

Tuesday, November 6, 2012

Mary & Dinner

James, my primary boyfriend, invited Mary, a wrench wench, to dinner tonight.  The original reason was because, while working with us, out of town for a week, she mentioned she needed to move out of her parents home & we have multiple empty rooms in our home.  However, the real reason he invited her over is James is really interested in having sex with her.  Who am I kidding?  As a middle aged man, James is interested in having sex with any cute girl in her 20's.  Mary fits the bill.

James is so wonderfully charming & childlike, when he gets someone new in his sights.  He becomes hyper giddy & playful.  Frequently, I am focus of that energy, when is victim is not around, so it's fun, while it lasts.

Unfortunately, James has many obstacles in his way to finding an additional partner.  For starters, he is a man.  In sex & dating, men are at the mercy of women.  While men look for a reason to have sex with a stranger, women look for a reason not to have sex with a stranger.  James is in his mid 50's, but his spirit is still in his 20's & 30's.  Therefore, he relates to people of that age.  Sadly, very few women in there 20's & 30's want to date a man in his 50's.  To top it all off, James is polyamorous.  That is not negotiable.  He must also find a polyamorous partner.  He has lots of road blocks.

Perhaps things will work out with him & Mary.  Chances are likely they will not.  Either way, we will have a lovely dinner tonight :)




Monday, November 5, 2012

Matthew's Appearance & Sex

I went to New York City, with my old boyfriend Matthew recently.  We dated for about two years, until 6 months after my arrest.  I told him I was uninterested in continuing to date him, because we live several states away.  However, in reality, I preferred not to date him anymore, because he became physically unattractive to me over the years.

Yes, I realize all of this sounds very shallow.  In reality, I think many people would like to stop having sex with a current partner, because they find them unattractive.   Luckily, because I am polyamorous, if I find one partner too unattractive to have sex with them, I can take on a new partner, but still love the original one.  

I still love Matthew.  I just have a hard time seeing him naked, without becoming uneasy.  Whenever we are together he goes on & on about us getting back together, even asking "Can we be lovers again?"  I am definitely not interested in that.  But, I do like hanging out with him.  

What should I do?    You I ditch him completely or continue to explain that I am not interested in having a romantic relationship with him & allow him to make the decision to see me or not?

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Matthew asks for $

Matthew, my former boyfriend, in interested in borrowing $1k to $10K for his retail store from now through January.  I don't have any qualms giving him the money, although I do have to ask my business partners, James & Richard.  Because Matthew is a former lover I am more emotionally connected to the situation & they are not.  The only downside is getting all the cash together at one time.  Being a hand whore is profitable, but everything so far has gone to paying bills & getting us out of debt.  I will ask them tomorrow.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

"Please, please, don't let that be him."

I had a funny incident with my whore visitor yesterday.  I am in a great space, in which I can see the main street, by looking out my window.  I connected with my visitor & told him to join me, in 5 minutes.  I then looked out the window, to see when he arrived, so I could unlock the front door.

To my surprise, an awkward old white man with a limp passed me first.  I thought, "Please, please, don't let that be him.  I didn't think he sounded like an old awkward white guy."

Fortunately, several moments after the old man passed, a young yummy black guy, got out of his car & walked up my front steps.  I was so excited, I nearly jumped into his lap, giggling & telling him the story.  He laughed too.

He had the most delicious cock.  I could have played with him all day :)


Friday, November 2, 2012

LIBERATED IN LOVE: CAN OPEN MARRIAGE WORK


These days, when a bride floats down the aisle we think of a monogamous future in which she and her husband are blissfully faithful forever; anything else seems shocking, bohemian, perverse. Take the unusual and much-talked-about ménage of flame-haired actress Tilda Swinton. She lives in a large, rambling house in Scotland with her twins and their father, playwright John Byrne — and her lover, Sandro Kopp, a beautiful, shaggy-haired artist nearly 20 years younger than she is, sometimes lives there too. When pressed by reporters, she has called her arrangement "sane," which is about the last word most of us would associate with that kind of home life. "We are all a family," she has said. "What you must also know is that we are all very happy."

No doubt there are hidden difficulties that Swinton is not delving into. But is it possible that other ways of life can offer a rich or complicated kind of happiness? Is our idea of love perhaps too narrow, too literal, too unimaginative? The legendary journalist Gay Talese has been married to his glamorous editor wife, Nan, for 50 years this past June, and he is currently writing a book on their extraordinary and epic relationship. Over the years, he has had what he calls "romantic friendships" with other people, but the Taleses have maintained a closer and deeper connection than that of many more ordinary couples. "One can coast on the pillow talk of an affair for years. Affairs don't have the burden of breakfast, lunch, and dinner," Talese says. "But in the end, sex is not that important. The premier affair is marriage. Marriage is the main event."

In the 1910s and '20s, it was fashionable in certain circles to carry on with this type of romantic experiment. Virginia Woolf's sister, Vanessa Bell, a ravishing, statuesque painter who liked to wear gypsyish head scarves, lived on an English country estate with her lover, Duncan Grant, his gay lover, and her children, and her husband sometimes popped by for a week or two. She believed it was more important to live fully than to be conventionally comfortable or secure. One of Bell's frequent guests and ex-flames, the art critic Roger Fry, called her unorthodox household "a triumph of reasonableness over the conventions."

Open marriages have always fascinated and unsettled us because they threaten our assumptions; they raise questions we prefer not be raised. Is it too much to ask that one be attracted to, or intimate with, only one person for the rest of his or her days? How can we balance the comfort and stability of marriage with the desire for novelty and freshness? How does one resolve the yearning for freedom with the need for a settled life? A friend of mine has a pact with her husband that if one of them has a one-night stand while traveling away from the family, it's okay. She tells me, "In a long marriage begun in one's 20s, it seems to me that fetishizing monogamy is a mistake. Our arrangement is that if a partner wants to explore a fleeting intimacy with another while, say, abroad, this is okay, with the caveat that it's like gays in the military: Don't ask, don't tell." They've agreed that a far-flung fling every once in a while is not threatening to their relationship. This pact seems bewildering and scandalous to nearly everyone they describe it to. But for them, the possibility — the idea itself — lets some air into the marriage.

But are open marriages happy? We all know about spiking divorce rates in the '70s and the crazy ice storm that was marriage at that time. In 1972, there was a best-selling book, Open Marriage, that asked, "Is it the 'unfaithful' human being who is the failure, or is it the standard itself?" But its co-author Nena O'Neill recanted several years later, writing that fidelity was central to marriage. Jealousy is not, after all, an easy emotion to overcome. The fantasy that one can transcend rogue feelings like possessiveness and anger is rarely ever true, but one still can't help noticing that there are some unconventional marriages that endure where more traditional unions fail.

Talese says that offbeat marriages can be stronger "because you are both free and you remain together by choice, because of your admiration for each other day by day. I've never for one day in 50 years felt that Nan didn't love me, and she's never felt that I didn't love her."

It is an act of imagination to live differently from everyone else, and maybe, in rare and magnificent moments, it works.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Liberated in Love: Can Open Marriage Work?

tilda swinton

With actress Tilda Swinton declaring that three is company in her relationship, we explore whether giving up monogamy can set you free.

These days, when a bride floats down the aisle we think of a monogamous future in which she and her husband are blissfully faithful forever; anything else seems shocking, bohemian, perverse. Take the unusual and much-talked-about ménage of flame-haired actress Tilda Swinton. She lives in a large, rambling house in Scotland with her twins and their father, playwright John Byrne — and her lover, Sandro Kopp, a beautiful, shaggy-haired artist nearly 20 years younger than she is, sometimes lives there too. When pressed by reporters, she has called her arrangement "sane," which is about the last word most of us would associate with that kind of home life. "We are all a family," she has said. "What you must also know is that we are all very happy."

No doubt there are hidden difficulties that Swinton is not delving into. But is it possible that other ways of life can offer a rich or complicated kind of happiness? Is our idea of love perhaps too narrow, too literal, too unimaginative? The legendary journalist Gay Talese has been married to his glamorous editor wife, Nan, for 50 years this past June, and he is currently writing a book on their extraordinary and epic relationship. Over the years, he has had what he calls "romantic friendships" with other people, but the Taleses have maintained a closer and deeper connection than that of many more ordinary couples. "One can coast on the pillow talk of an affair for years. Affairs don't have the burden of breakfast, lunch, and dinner," Talese says. "But in the end, sex is not that important. The premier affair is marriage. Marriage is the main event."


In the 1910s and '20s, it was fashionable in certain circles to carry on with this type of romantic experiment. Virginia Woolf's sister, Vanessa Bell, a ravishing, statuesque painter who liked to wear gypsyish head scarves, lived on an English country estate with her lover, Duncan Grant, his gay lover, and her children, and her husband sometimes popped by for a week or two. She believed it was more important to live fully than to be conventionally comfortable or secure. One of Bell's frequent guests and ex-flames, the art critic Roger Fry, called her unorthodox household "a triumph of reasonableness over the conventions."


Open marriages have always fascinated and unsettled us because they threaten our assumptions; they raise questions we prefer not be raised. Is it too much to ask that one be attracted to, or intimate with, only one person for the rest of his or her days? How can we balance the comfort and stability of marriage with the desire for novelty and freshness? How does one resolve the yearning for freedom with the need for a settled life? A friend of mine has a pact with her husband that if one of them has a one-night stand while traveling away from the family, it's okay. She tells me, "In a long marriage begun in one's 20s, it seems to me that fetishizing monogamy is a mistake. Our arrangement is that if a partner wants to explore a fleeting intimacy with another while, say, abroad, this is okay, with the caveat that it's like gays in the military: Don't ask, don't tell." They've agreed that a far-flung fling every once in a while is not threatening to their relationship. This pact seems bewildering and scandalous to nearly everyone they describe it to. But for them, the possibility — the idea itself — lets some air into the marriage.


But are open marriages happy? We all know about spiking divorce rates in the '70s and the crazy ice storm that was marriage at that time. In 1972, there was a best-selling book, Open Marriage, that asked, "Is it the 'unfaithful' human being who is the failure, or is it the standard itself?" But its co-author Nena O'Neill recanted several years later, writing that fidelity was central to marriage. Jealousy is not, after all, an easy emotion to overcome. The fantasy that one can transcend rogue feelings like possessiveness and anger is rarely ever true, but one still can't help noticing that there are some unconventional marriages that endure where more traditional unions fail.


Talese says that offbeat marriages can be stronger "because you are both free and you remain together by choice, because of your admiration for each other day by day. I've never for one day in 50 years felt that Nan didn't love me, and she's never felt that I didn't love her."


It is an act of imagination to live differently from everyone else, and maybe, in rare and magnificent moments, it works. 


http://www.harpersbazaar.com/magazine/feature-articles/open-marriages-0809?click=main_srEnjoy.%20let%20me%20know%20wha

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Multi Orgasmic



One thing a lot of men are jealous about in women is their sexual stamina. The ability of many of us have to be multi orgasmic. Now don’t get me wrong, I know some guys are able to go multiple rounds, some certainly are, but not most. Most fall into the “One and you’re done” category. Now as long as they can last as long as I need them too, it’s usually not an issue if they can only cum once, but given the choice, I would of course always choose a guy that can match me orgasm for orgasm.

I don’t mind if they need to rest in between for 10-15 minutes, that is a good length of time for everyone to calm down, catch their breath and get ready for the next round. I don’t need to keep going with no breaks, but when they can keep going with you, I just find it a more pleasurable match. Even young ones are not always able to go round after round. I’m not sure what makes one able to continue on and another be out after one, but multi guys will always be my faves for sure!

Women luckily just do not have the same problems, staying hard, so we can’t relate since we have never had that issue. As long as I’ve caught my breath, I can keep going, but it can get to a numb state down there that stimulation gets difficult to bring you over that orgasmic edge. I can always cum, even if not horny, though it can take effort, sometimes a lot, but I can. I mentioned that to a guy and he couldn’t even imagine cumming if not horny, since they kind of have to be hard, and if not horny, then they are not hard, they have more variables than women do to overcome. More factors at play. Though I have talked to guys that can cum when not totally hard, ones that have erectile dysfunction problems. They really have their bodies working against them in a way women simply do not. Poor bastards!

Happy Samhain

Author: Peg Aloi
Posted: October 1st. 1996
Times Viewed: 273,526

Hallowe'en has its origins in the British Isles. While the modern tradition of trick or treat developed in the U. S., it too is based on folk customs brought to this country with Irish immigrants after 1840. Since ancient times in Ireland, Scotland, and England, October 31st has been celebrated as a feast for the dead, and also the day that marks the new year. Mexico observes a Day of the Dead on this day, as do other world cultures. In Scotland, the Gaelic word "Samhain" (pronounced "SAW-win" or "SAW-vane") means literally "summer's end."

This holiday is also known as All Hallows Eve ("hallow" means "sanctify") ; Hallowtide; Hallowmass; Hallows; The Day of the Dead; All Soul's Night; All Saints' Day (both on November 1st) .

For early Europeans, this time of the year marked the beginning of the cold, lean months to come; the flocks were brought in from the fields to live in sheds until spring. Some animals were slaughtered, and the meat preserved to provide food for winter. The last gathering of crops was known as "Harvest Home, " celebrated with fairs and festivals.

In addition to its agriculture significance, the ancient Celts also saw Samhain as a very spiritual time. Because October 31 lies exactly between the Autumnal Equinox and the Winter Solstice, it is theorized that ancient peoples, with their reliance on astrology, thought it was a very potent time for magic and communion with spirits. The "veil between the worlds" of the living and the dead was said to be at its thinnest on this day; so the dead were invited to return to feast with their loved ones; welcomed in from the cold, much as the animals were brought inside. Ancient customs range from placing food out for dead ancestors, to performing rituals for communicating with those who had passed over.

Communion with the dead was thought to be the work of witches and sorcerers, although the common folk thought nothing of it. Because the rise of the Church led to growing suspicion of the pagan ways of country dwellers, Samhain also became associated with witches, black cats ("familiars" or animal friends) , bats (night creatures) , ghosts and other "spooky" things...the stereotype of the old hag riding the broomstick is simply a caricature; fairy tales have exploited this image for centuries.

Divination of the future was also commonly practiced at this magically-potent time; since it was also the Celtic New Year, people focused on their desires for the coming year. Certain traditions, such as bobbing for apples, roasting nuts in the fire, and baking cakes which contained tokens of luck, are actually ancient methods of telling fortunes.

So What About Those Jack-O-Lanterns?

Other old traditions have survived to this day; lanterns carved out of pumpkins and turnips were used to provide light on a night when huge bonfires were lit, and all households let their fires go out so they could be rekindled from this new fire; this was believed to be good luck for all households. The name "Jack-O-Lantern" means "Jack of the Lantern, " and comes from an old Irish tale. Jack was a man who could enter neither heaven nor hell and was condemned to wander through the night with only a candle in a turnip for light. Or so goes the legend...

But such folk names were commonly given to nature spirits, like the "Jack in the Green, " or to plants believed to possess magical properties, like "John O' Dreams, " or "Jack in the Pulpit." Irish fairy lore is full of such references. Since candles placed in hollowed-out pumpkins or turnips (commonly grown for food and abundant at this time of year) would produce flickering flames, especially on cold nights in October, this phenomenon may have led to the association of spirits with the lanterns; and this in turn may have led to the tradition of carving scary faces on them. It is an old legend that candle flames which flicker on Samhain night are being touched by the spirits of dead ancestors, or "ghosts."

Okay, What about the Candy?

"Trick or treat" as it is practiced in the U. S. is a complex custom believed to derive from several Samhain traditions, as well as being unique to this country. Since Irish immigrants were predominantly Catholic, they were more likely to observe All Soul's Day. But Ireland's folk traditions die hard, and the old ways of Samhain were remembered. The old tradition of going door to door asking for donations of money or food for the New Year's feast, was carried over to the U. S. from the British Isles. Hogmanay was celebrated January 1st in rural Scotland, and there are records of a "trick or treat" type of custom; curses would be invoked on those who did not give generously; while those who did give from their hearts were blessed and praised. Hence, the notion of "trick or treat" was born (although this greeting was not commonly used until the 1930's in the U. S.) . The wearing of costumes is an ancient practice; villagers would dress as ghosts, to escort the spirits of the dead to the outskirts of the town, at the end of the night's celebration.

By the 1920's, "trick or treat" became a way of letting off steam for those urban poor living in crowded conditions. Innocent acts of vandalism (soaping windows, etc.) gave way to violent, cruel acts. Organizations like the Boy Scouts tried to organize ways for this holiday to become safe and fun; they started the practice of encouraging "good" children to visit shops and homes asking for treats, so as to prevent criminal acts. These "beggar's nights" became very popular and have evolved to what we know as Hallowe'en today.

What Do Modern Witches Do at Hallowe'en?

It is an important holiday for us. Witches are diverse, and practice a variety of traditions. Many of us use this time to practice forms of divination (such as tarot or runes) . Many Witches also perform rituals to honor the dead; and may invite their deceased loved ones to visit for a time, if they choose. This is not a "seance" in the usual sense of the word; Witches extend an invitation, rather than summoning the dead, and we believe the world of the dead is very close to this one. So on Samhain, and again on Beltane (May 1st) , when the veil between the worlds is thin, we attempt to travel between those worlds. This is done through meditation, visualization, and astral projection. Because Witches acknowledge human existence as part of a cycle of life, death and rebirth, Samhain is a time to reflect on our mortality, and to confront our fears of dying.

Some Witches look on Samhain as a time to prepare for the long, dark months of winter, a time of introspection and drawing inward. They may bid goodbye to the summer with one last celebratory rite. They may have harvest feasts, with vegetables and fruits they have grown, or home-brewed cider or mead. They may give thanks for what they have, projecting for abundance through the winter. Still others may celebrate with costume parties, enjoying treats and good times with friends. There are as many ways of observing Samhain as there are Witches in the world!

Peg Aloi

Bio:: Born 10/23/63, Peg is a freelance writer and artists' model, and a Witch of Celtic/Sicilian heritage. She has taught classes in film, literature, writing, herbalism, and calligraphy, and is also a singer, actress, astrologer and perfumer (gotta love that Libra/Scorpio cusp) . As a performer, she has made music with a number of Pagan artists, including MotherTongue (tm) , Urban Myth, and bard Olvardil Prydwyn. She reviews films for the Boston Phoenix, and is Associate Editor of Obsidian Magazine. She loves single malt scotch, apple orchards, Xena, Jethro Tull, and her three grey kitties, Ziggy, Zeus and Trivia.