The Caribbean & James

James, my primary & nesting partner, & I have decided to move to the Caribbean, once my daughter, Virginia, turns 18-years-old, in June of 2014.  However, we will not make a firm decision, until May.  So, for the time being, I am in limbo, thinking about the islands.

There are several things that could delay our move.  Money is always a factor.  According to the government website, we should have at least $15K to move.  Also, if James finds permanent full-time work, with benefits, where we currently are, the move could be delayed by years.  However, even with all of those variables, there is one even more pressing.  James & I haven't had sex in over a year now & I am unwilling to move with him, after July, unless that changes.

I have asked James for more details on his lack of sexual inclination towards me, such as to whether or not he still find me sexually attractive.  He says he does.  I have asked him about possibly having a low testosterone level & seeking medical attention.  He says he does not.  What he says is that he will have a sexual inclination towards me & then there is a disconnect between that point & when he acts upon it.

He is currently dating a new woman named Jessica.  Although they have not had sex, he is certainly pumped for it.  My hope is that once they have sex, that energy will be brought to my relationship with him.

I have explained to James my desire to have sex with him & the time frame I am working with.  Since then, he has become more verbally romantic & seems to be compensating for not having sex with me.  Unfortunately, in the end, words will not be good enough.

Reggae Wine Festival

Over the weekend, James & I went to a wine festival at the largest winery in our state.  It was absolutely fascinating.  It was billed as a "Reggae & Wine" festival.  We've been to many wine festivals in the past, but nothing that specifically marketed to fans of reggae, which for the most part means African Americans.

The entry fee was $20.  After that, the tasting was free.  Additional money would be needed for the many food vendors, retail vendors, & to purchase wine bottles.  The hillside was packed with people on blankets & under umbrellas & tents.

Typically, during a wine festival, you approach a bar & the person pouring the wine will describe the taste, perhaps giving you a piece of cheese or chocolate, to pair with the wine.  From there, you decide whether or not you care to purchase a bottle of wine or move along.  This was not the case for this crowd.  Rather than moving along, people would camp at the bar, without purchasing a bottle. Normally, at a wine festival, people wear attracted, but comfortable clothing.  This weekend, club wear was the norm.  I mean true club wear with the stilettos & tiny, tight dresses. 

The difference in the crowd was amazing & incredibly fun to watch.  I bow down in awe of the marketing guru who came up with a great way to reach a niche market & make it incredibly profitable.  James & I look forward to going to another festival at the same wine festival to see if it's the exact same thing with just a different music focus.  If so, what will the demographic be?

James & Waxing

Last night, while out getting James's haircut, I convinced him to have his eyebrows waxed.  He got a funny awkward look on his face, but agreed.  He went through the process, as I giggled, ending up with red eyes & a temporarily sore brow.  While in the car, he asked "Are you happy now?"  I said yes.  He replied, "You know I only do that to make you laugh?!"  

Sigh... I love James :)

399 Days

I am getting excited about my future with James.  It's 399 days, until Virginia, my only child, turns 18, no longer living with us & when the lease on our massively overly large & overly expensive house ends. I can't wait to move to the city, within walking distance of the subway (fingers crossed), get rid of my car, downsize, become debt-free, & focus completely on my future with James.

"She cannot do that for herself & I cannot do it for her."

My relationship with my new girl friend, Rachel, seems to be ending. I realized within three weeks of meeting her that I was not able to give her what she wanted emotionally.

She texted me on a Thursday afternoon, after not seeing me for several days, because of our schedule & said she was disappointed in me for hanging up on her the previous Monday.  I asked her to give me details, because I didn't remember.  It did not help.  I apologized for hurting her feelings, saying I would be more cautious in the future.  That was not enough.

In the end, she wanted to hear that I she had value in my life & wanted to know how much that value was.  I was speechless.  After three weeks, she had little to no value in my life.  Uninterested in hurting her feelings, I said, with guidance from my boyfriend, James, that "I show people that I value them, by giving them my time & energy."  Rachel was silent for several days.  Finally, she came around & said she had digested that I could not give her what she needed, which was indeed correct.  

Since then, I've texted her a few times a week, but I've not seen her in three weeks.  Much of that was because she went on a trip to the other side of the country.  But even then, I have not missed her.

When I met Rachel & she shared with me her past, filled with neglect & abuse of all kinds.  I thought she was an incredibly strong women for not dwelling in the past.  However, I realize based upon the parting of our spirits that she is still a little girl who needs to feel needed & valued.  She cannot do that for herself & I cannot do it for her.

He Got it Wet!

James finally nailed his step-sister, while visiting Florida, with his family.  It really got down to the wire, occurring the night before they had to leave the beach rental.  Apparently, she was sharing a bed with her sister & did not want to leave in the middle of the night, fearing her bed mate would get suspicious.  Fortunately, the whole family are winos & went to be early, while step-sister & James stayed up to do the naughty.  She supposedly "guzzled that shit like the cumslut she is", although it was a bit rushed, because step-sister was jumpy.  That means the family vacation was not a complete waste!

James Boinks His Step-Sister

James, my primary & live-in boyfriend, is spending the week in Key West, Florida with his family & is hoping to have sex with his step-sister.  Yeap, I said it:  STEP-SISTER.  If it makes you feel any better, they are not related by blood & they never lived together.

So far, it has been a total bust.  He doesn't particularly like his family, because they drink a lot, are combative, & complain about most things.  He was hoping that doing naughty things with his step-sister would make the trip worth it, but so far that has not been the case.  Sad James.

His step-sister is in a sexless marriage & through explaining to her that we are polyamorous, James must have convinced her that having sex with him was a safe alternative to being unhappy or having an affair with someone who would cause chaos in her marital relationship.  James sees her two or three times a year & hopefully they have at it.

It's funny.  When I was first introduced to the family, James loved taking me on trips to see his family.  However, ever since he & his step-sister started doing the naughty, he seems to want to go alone.  Apparently, she is less apt to fuck him, when I am in proximity. :)

James & Pictures

James got the opportunity to meet & interview the new sexworker yesterday.  The meeting did not go, as well as planned.  It just reiterates the need for women to be in charge of agencies, because she felt unconformable with a man teaching her the ropes.  So, in the future I will be the sexworker's main connection, rather than James or Richard.

Today, James is taking pictures of the new sexworker.  Hopefully, I can have the images added to her website, by this evening, with her 1st visit taking place in three days.

James & the Wedding

In my head, I have started planning my wedding to James.  We have always said we would get married, after my daughter turned 18-years-old & no longer lived with us.  According to the countdown calendar on James's cell phone, that's in 505 days, the summer of 2014.

In the past, I would have never considered marriage again, particularly after my first one went down in a glorious flame.  However, with James it's a bit different.  First, even after dating for just over 5 years & living together for 4 years, I consider him my best friend & definitely the most compatible person I have ever had a romantic relationship with.  More importantly, he is 15 years older than I am & I want to be the one who controls his healthcare in the future.  Finally, hopefully with the success of my book, being published in the summer of 2014, I will be making a lot more money.  I want to honor his position in my life, by sharing that with him.

I think I am going to have an interactive wedding.  For example, I want James to pick out his 5 favorite wedding dresses.  Then, I will try them on, parading in front of a camera & have people vote on what dress they like best.  The same thing could be done with the tuxedos, flowers, etc.  That way everyone is involved.  Also, rather than forbidding cell phone, during the ceremony, I want to encourage people to post on Facebook & twitter, while the wedding is going on.

I have mentioned the concept to a few coworkers & they are all for it.  They even mentioned doing door prizes.  What do you think?  What other things can be done at an interactive wedding?

New Whore for Richard & James

Richard, my best friend & whore assistant, has found another whore to promote, effectively making him a pimp.  She arrived in town last week, with Richard & James, my primary boyfriend, trying to get her up to basic whore standards.

For her, that means making her a little less white trash. She has multiple tattoos & 11 piercings.  She is definitely not the girl-next-door, which is the most profitable "character" in whoring.  So, Richard has requested that the piercings be removed.  Next, James will have sex with her, as a paying client, in order to grade her performance & coach her into being a better whore. Then, Richard will take better pictures of her, in hopes of bringing out her more attractive physical qualities, particularly her very long brunette hair.

For my part, I will be doing all of her online promotions, including web design, twitter, Facebook, escort directories, message boards, email, etc.  I will never meet her, for legal reasons.

Hopefully, she will be profitable & not crazy :)

Thomas' Employee Party

Tonight I will see Thomas at a party he is throwing for his employees, me among them.  I already asked if I can go home with him, knowing the answer would be no.  He did not disappoint.  Thomas has a thing about showing any favoritism towards his employees, particularly in public.  Although we have been sex partners for 12 years, he does not show me any attention in public, not even a hug.  He would not want anyone to think we were leaving the party together.  Perhaps I can convince him to let me join him later.

Beyond that, when we are together in bed, we are awesome.  In fact, since the whole Max thing, he has been even more attentive to me.  I am not sure if the two are related or if he even knows that Max & I are no longer seeing each other.

I am not naive.  I know the parameters of our relationship & I am not interested in changing Thomas.  Fortunately, I have my primary live in boyfriend, James, who is absolutely wonderful.  Because he is so wonderful, he gives me the ability to look at other relationship I have with a discerning eye.  Sometimes it's good to compare.

James & Max meet for the 1st Times

A few nights ago, Max met James for the first time, but not under the best circumstances.  James & I were at a sexworkers discussion group in the evening, when Max texted me.  I asked him if he would like to meet James & he agreed, although he said he was not "100%". Him being not 100% was an understatement.   He was drunk.

He watched football all day, with his drinking pals & fellow bartenders, so by the time we caught up to him around 9pm, he was not in the best of position to be met for the first time, but was entertaining, nonetheless.

When he finally sat down with us, he apologized profusely for his current demeanor, but continued to tell James, his intentions & how much he enjoyed me.  James & I were a bit naughty, as we typically are, teasing him a bit, which put him at ease.

In the end, James agreed that he liked Max & was comfortable with me continuing the relationship.

Max's First Sleepover

For logical reasons, I am spending my first overnight with Max, my guy crush, this evening.  Because I am working as a wrench wench late into the morning, perhaps 3am, & Max lives within a few blocks of where I will be working, it only makes sense to stay at his place, rather than driving 40 minutes home.

Max is fully aware of my parameters & knows I will not have sex with him, until we are checked for STDs & James, my primary partner, is accepting of the relationship.  Since we have only known each other for a few weeks, we are not even close to either of those things happening.

Max says all he really wants to do is hold & kiss me.  However, I am not dumb.  I know he also wants to put his penis inside of me.  I am very curious as to how things unfold.  A man that knows & accepts his potential partner's boundaries is very special.  I hope he can be that man :)

Union Meeting a Bust

James & I went to the labor organizing meeting few evenings ago.  It was a complete bust, except for the vice-president of the union showing up too.  That was the first time no one has come to the meeting.  It's hard for manual labors to take a evening off, especially in the middle of our busiest season.

Although disappointed, I still have lots of faith about the organizing.  The industry in our city is going to be shaken up quite a bit, once the website, specifically create for this organizing project, is released in 2 months.

I am very proud of my efforts :)

Dating Process

Because of the nature of my world, I have to be very cautious about the people I allow in it.  My polyamorous dating process is this...

1.  I have to spend considerable completely non-sexual time with a person, sometime up to 6 months.

2.  Once that occurs & we come to the understanding that we would like to start a romantic & sexual relationship, I go to James, my primary/live in boyfriend, asking if he is in a comfortable place in his world that I can divert time & attention away from him, in order to grow a healthy relationship with a new person.  If he says that's fine...

3.   I introduce the new person to James, usually through James cooking a meal for us.

4.  If everyone agrees to continue, the new person & I will have STD checks done.

5.  I give the new person a link to my "tribe" calendar, so he can see the daily schedule of our lives.  He is also allowed to add his own information, such as requested private times to be spent with me or the tribe.

6.  I hope for the best.

Because my life is going to explode in 2014, due to us moving, my daughter starting her life alone, my book being published, & a possible marriage, between James & I, I have to be very careful about who I invite into my world.  They have to fit, both in actions & personality.  It is long & drawn out process.  In the end, I think it's worth it.  I think the tribe is worth it.

WebCam

I just set up my webcam hostess account at ifriends.com.  I thought it would be a great idea to be on cam, in between whore visitors.  Now I can make money, even when I am not sucking cock in person.  I mentioned allowing my visitors to record me, while sucking their cock & adding it the content to my fan club.  Of course the boys loved the idea.  They can be porn stars :)

Now, I just have to figure out a disguise, considering my profile can be seen by more than just my visitors who have been screened, by me.  I thought of a wig & glasses.  I love watching facials with girls in glasses.  Seeing the cum drip off the glasses, into their mouths, is a HUGE turn on for me.

James, my primary boyfriend, has been given the task of purchasing an easy to use video camera, for my boys to do the recording.  Do you have any suggestions?

Introducing Max

A collision of worlds took place over the weekend.  Thomas, my secondary boyfriend & sometimes boss, invited his employees out to dinner to pick up their checks from a particularly large job.  While their, I sat next to Thomas & as usual he ignored me for the most part, as he turned his back to me & watched the game on TV, because he is very discreet & prefers other employees to not know we are having sex.

20 minutes into my meal & tall gentleman sat at our table & at first only spoke to Thomas, putting me in the middle of the conversation, because each of them was on either side of me & spoke to each other across the table.  Eventually, the gentleman & I began to speak.

It turns out he was one of Thomas's best friends & business acquaintances.  That concept is incredibly strange for me, because in the 11 years I have known Thomas I have never met someone in his personal life...ever.

Max & I had an instant connection.  Although he proclaimed to be very shy, reminding me he sat in the corner of the room intentionally, he opened up to me about every facet of his world.  We chatted two hours after everyone, including Thomas, had left.  By the end of our evening, it was quite clear that we were interested in having sex with each other.

I explained to Max that I am polyamorous & I consider Thomas, his friend, my secondary boyfriend, although I have no idea how Thomas considers me.  Because of that, in order to have sex with him, I have to have multiple conversations with multiple people, over multiple weeks.  He grudgingly agreed.  Before we parted, we exchanged cellphone numbers & hugs.

The next morning, Thomas emailed me, explaining Max wanted him to pass along his cellphone number to me, although I already had it.  James, my primary boyfriend, explained that was a guy's way of finding out whether or not Thomas was okay with Max dating me.

This situation will lead to a very interesting conversation with me & Thomas.  Because Thomas is not able to explain his emotions easily, he has never told me where we stand, in terms of our relationship.  I do not know if he considers me his girlfriend, booty call, fuck buddy or what.  I do not know if he gave me Max's number because he wants someone else to attempt to make me happy or because he really does not care enough about me to stop it.  I have no idea.

The only way I can have this conversation with Thomas is in person, otherwise he will perceive it as rude.  Sometimes I see him four times a week.  Sometimes I see him once every 2 weeks.  I have even seen him once in 6 months.  So, I have no idea when the conversation will occur.

In the meantime, Max & I communicate by text daily & he tells me frequently, that he "just want to watch a movie & kiss".   James, giggles at me, knowing only such a situation would occur in my life, as I add another disciple to my altar.

No personal information, please

I have asked Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, for advice on my New Year's Eve plans, because he is part owner of the restaurant I would like to use.  The downside is he has not shared his ownership in the restaurant with me, so I have to be a bit manipulative.

Thomas is kind of funny that way.  He shares very few personal things with anyone, even me, & he does not like to hear about my personal world, although he contributes to it.  I would go absolutely crazy with such a philosophy, if it was not for having James, my primary partner, who is not emotionally immature.

At one point, we discussed having unprotected sex, which would require me to get on birth control.  At first, he said yes.  However, later he declined, saying that after he researched birth control, he found out that often times weight gain is a side effect.  Knowing I am in the process of loosing weight, he did not believe that was a good idea.  

He does not want to discuss our personal lives, but he researched birth control for me?!  That's one of the most personal things a guy can do.

Mary & Dinner

James, my primary boyfriend, invited Mary, a wrench wench, to dinner tonight.  The original reason was because, while working with us, out of town for a week, she mentioned she needed to move out of her parents home & we have multiple empty rooms in our home.  However, the real reason he invited her over is James is really interested in having sex with her.  Who am I kidding?  As a middle aged man, James is interested in having sex with any cute girl in her 20's.  Mary fits the bill.

James is so wonderfully charming & childlike, when he gets someone new in his sights.  He becomes hyper giddy & playful.  Frequently, I am focus of that energy, when is victim is not around, so it's fun, while it lasts.

Unfortunately, James has many obstacles in his way to finding an additional partner.  For starters, he is a man.  In sex & dating, men are at the mercy of women.  While men look for a reason to have sex with a stranger, women look for a reason not to have sex with a stranger.  James is in his mid 50's, but his spirit is still in his 20's & 30's.  Therefore, he relates to people of that age.  Sadly, very few women in there 20's & 30's want to date a man in his 50's.  To top it all off, James is polyamorous.  That is not negotiable.  He must also find a polyamorous partner.  He has lots of road blocks.

Perhaps things will work out with him & Mary.  Chances are likely they will not.  Either way, we will have a lovely dinner tonight :)

Matthew asks for $

Matthew, my former boyfriend, in interested in borrowing $1k to $10K for his retail store from now through January.  I don't have any qualms giving him the money, although I do have to ask my business partners, James & Richard.  Because Matthew is a former lover I am more emotionally connected to the situation & they are not.  The only downside is getting all the cash together at one time.  Being a hand whore is profitable, but everything so far has gone to paying bills & getting us out of debt.  I will ask them tomorrow.