Good-bye, Thomas

I am not longer seeing my booty call, Thomas.  Unfortunately, I no longer have any respect for him, as a result of his dog, of all things.  One night a couple of months ago, I was visiting him overnight & I noticed that his dog was not making much noise.  When I asked about the dog, he replied that she was sick, not eating for several days at a time.  I then said I would be happy to take her to the veterinarian for him, if he did not have the time. When I returned the next week.  The dog was completely silent.  When I asked about her again, he said she had died earlier in the week.

I was stunned.  Because of his pride & his need for privacy, he had not taken the dog to the vet, nor had he asked me to help.  It was then, I realized we were not even friends.  I also realized that as a sex partner, he was lacking, particularity because it took me a two hour round trip to reach him.  He not worth the effort any longer.

The only awkward thing that will occur from time to to time is Thomas being my boss.  It doesn't happen often & when it does, it's not for a long period of time.  For my part, I have not mentioned my disdain for him.  He will not ask, because that would be something that would concern a friend, not a booty call.

Thomas Shines

I visited my booty call, Thomas, from 12am to 9am today.  Surprisingly, it was the best sex we have had in a very long time, playing with each other nonstop for well over 2 hours.  Unfortunately, this has not been the case in the last 6 months.  Usually, I visited & he would boink me really well for about 30 minutes, if I was lucky, & then fall asleep.  I am not sure what got into him last night.  Hopefully, it will continue. :)

Thomas & the Beach

Thomas, my booty call of 11 years, has once again invited me to go to the beach.  In the past, I have not been able to, because he springs it on me all of a sudden & I already have plans.  Also, the beach that he chooses to visit is 8 hours away, by car.  So, to make it worth my while I have to be at the beach for at least 2 days.  In the past, that has not been achievable.

When I mentioned to him that it would help if he could make plans in advance, he seemed to dismiss me, going alone or with someone else.  However, yesterday he told me he would be going to the beach in about two weeks, although he did not know exactly when & he wanted me to go.  I have made it so anything happening in two weeks can be rescheduled.  That means only cock sucking for those two weeks, rather than manual labor.

I used to hold out that Thomas & I would one day have a romantic relationship.  However, I have learned over the last couple of years that is probably never going to happen.  So, when I am with him I only live in the moment & do not consider anything beyond that. But, I must admit that being alone with him for long periods of time makes me want that again & perhaps hope that's the reason he asked me to go to the beach.

I am not holding my breath.

Thomas' Employee Party

Tonight I will see Thomas at a party he is throwing for his employees, me among them.  I already asked if I can go home with him, knowing the answer would be no.  He did not disappoint.  Thomas has a thing about showing any favoritism towards his employees, particularly in public.  Although we have been sex partners for 12 years, he does not show me any attention in public, not even a hug.  He would not want anyone to think we were leaving the party together.  Perhaps I can convince him to let me join him later.

Beyond that, when we are together in bed, we are awesome.  In fact, since the whole Max thing, he has been even more attentive to me.  I am not sure if the two are related or if he even knows that Max & I are no longer seeing each other.

I am not naive.  I know the parameters of our relationship & I am not interested in changing Thomas.  Fortunately, I have my primary live in boyfriend, James, who is absolutely wonderful.  Because he is so wonderful, he gives me the ability to look at other relationship I have with a discerning eye.  Sometimes it's good to compare.

Cock Blocking by Thomas

As you recall, prior to my relationship beginning with Max, I went to my secondary boyfriend, Thomas, to see if me dating an acquaintance of his would make him uncomfortable.  Rather than having a conversation with me, he literally covered his face, with a blanket, & refused to discuss it, giving me the impression he was apathetic to the situation.

Guess what?!  I was completely wrong.  One evening, last week Max & Thomas found themselves in the same bar.  When Max entered, Thomas was sitting downstairs.  Feeling uncomfortable, Max avoided Thomas, by going upstairs.  Within 20 minutes, Thomas joined him.  

Knowing that Max had a date with me later that evening, Max told Thomas he had to leave to see me.  However, Thomas was not satisfied with that answer, so he started buying Max shots.  As the night grew longer, Max decided it was time to leave.  Heading home, he went outside to the main street & then turned the corner.  When he paused to light a cigarette, Thomas joined him, asking him to return to he bar.  He then bluntly said, "No, I am going to see Amanda".

Later, when I met Max & he described the evening events, I tried to come up with all sorts of reasons that Thomas may have behaved that way, such as he just wanted to hang out.  However, Max quickly corrected me, saying "He was cock blocking me, plain & simple"

Sigh...I wonder where all of this is going.

Max & I get comfortable

Max & I spent 5 hours with each other yesterday.  He said he is "taken" by me.  As a popular bartender in a large city, he is usually surrounded by woman who are not confident & want to jump into bed with him immediately.  I do not.  I want to go slowly.

I also seem to make him slightly, but excitingly, uncomfortable.  For example, when we went back to his place, after brunch, he sat all the way across the room from me, although I was sitting on a couch that could have accommodated both of us.  After we chatted for twenty minutes, I asked "Why did you choose to sit in that chair?"  His excuse was, "It's the most comfortable chair in the room"  When I cock my head to the side he continued, saying "I am used to people coming to me".  I replied "Please come sit next to me.  It would make me happy."  He responded with "I knew you were going to ask that.  Now that you have, I am going to stay here."  Eventually, he decided to join me on the coach & was rewarded with my touch.  However, it was "his idea".

Max it much like Thomas is.  He is guarded.  Hopefully, unlike Thomas, he will become comfortable with me & allow himself to get lost.

Thomas Disappoints

After waiting a week, I finally got the opportunity to talk to Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, about his friend, Max, dating me.  His response was not a surprise, but a HUGE disappointment.  While laying in bed, he covered his head like a small child & said, "I am well aware that Max wants to date you.  You think we have something to talk about with Max, but we do not.  I have nothing to do with that situation."  I was speechless.

As a healthy polyamorous person, communication is the cornerstone of my world.  In one moment, he completely disassociated me & seemingly went into denial.  I am completely happy with my actions.  I did what was necessary for me to be comfortable with the situation.  

I am not sure what to do with Thomas now, except I have downgraded him to booty call.  Perhaps Max will fill his spot.  Perhaps not.  It will be fun finding out one way of the other.

Birthday Swing

Thomas' birthday is coming up in a few weeks.  I have invited him to a swing club to celebrate.  Although I still have a membership, I have not been in a while & never with him.  The last time I went was with James, my primary boyfriend.  We did not have a great time, because of his lack of confidence.  I wonder if Thomas would be any different.  I would really love to find out.  I will let you know if he accepts my invitation.

Introducing Max

A collision of worlds took place over the weekend.  Thomas, my secondary boyfriend & sometimes boss, invited his employees out to dinner to pick up their checks from a particularly large job.  While their, I sat next to Thomas & as usual he ignored me for the most part, as he turned his back to me & watched the game on TV, because he is very discreet & prefers other employees to not know we are having sex.

20 minutes into my meal & tall gentleman sat at our table & at first only spoke to Thomas, putting me in the middle of the conversation, because each of them was on either side of me & spoke to each other across the table.  Eventually, the gentleman & I began to speak.

It turns out he was one of Thomas's best friends & business acquaintances.  That concept is incredibly strange for me, because in the 11 years I have known Thomas I have never met someone in his personal life...ever.

Max & I had an instant connection.  Although he proclaimed to be very shy, reminding me he sat in the corner of the room intentionally, he opened up to me about every facet of his world.  We chatted two hours after everyone, including Thomas, had left.  By the end of our evening, it was quite clear that we were interested in having sex with each other.

I explained to Max that I am polyamorous & I consider Thomas, his friend, my secondary boyfriend, although I have no idea how Thomas considers me.  Because of that, in order to have sex with him, I have to have multiple conversations with multiple people, over multiple weeks.  He grudgingly agreed.  Before we parted, we exchanged cellphone numbers & hugs.

The next morning, Thomas emailed me, explaining Max wanted him to pass along his cellphone number to me, although I already had it.  James, my primary boyfriend, explained that was a guy's way of finding out whether or not Thomas was okay with Max dating me.

This situation will lead to a very interesting conversation with me & Thomas.  Because Thomas is not able to explain his emotions easily, he has never told me where we stand, in terms of our relationship.  I do not know if he considers me his girlfriend, booty call, fuck buddy or what.  I do not know if he gave me Max's number because he wants someone else to attempt to make me happy or because he really does not care enough about me to stop it.  I have no idea.

The only way I can have this conversation with Thomas is in person, otherwise he will perceive it as rude.  Sometimes I see him four times a week.  Sometimes I see him once every 2 weeks.  I have even seen him once in 6 months.  So, I have no idea when the conversation will occur.

In the meantime, Max & I communicate by text daily & he tells me frequently, that he "just want to watch a movie & kiss".   James, giggles at me, knowing only such a situation would occur in my life, as I add another disciple to my altar.

No personal information, please

I have asked Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, for advice on my New Year's Eve plans, because he is part owner of the restaurant I would like to use.  The downside is he has not shared his ownership in the restaurant with me, so I have to be a bit manipulative.

Thomas is kind of funny that way.  He shares very few personal things with anyone, even me, & he does not like to hear about my personal world, although he contributes to it.  I would go absolutely crazy with such a philosophy, if it was not for having James, my primary partner, who is not emotionally immature.

At one point, we discussed having unprotected sex, which would require me to get on birth control.  At first, he said yes.  However, later he declined, saying that after he researched birth control, he found out that often times weight gain is a side effect.  Knowing I am in the process of loosing weight, he did not believe that was a good idea.  

He does not want to discuss our personal lives, but he researched birth control for me?!  That's one of the most personal things a guy can do.

Emotionally Stunted?

I spent the evening with Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, two night ago.  Sadly, Thomas is emotionally stunted.  No, that's not true.  He is not emotionally stunted.  He just has a hard time expressing his emotions, which make him seem emotionally stunted.  Every once in a while, he reveals something deeply emotional to me & I am surprised, because it's always unexpected.

Thomas grew up in a household in which emotions were not accepted, nor supported.  He never saw his parents hold hands & his father was a functional alcoholic.  He was marreid for 5 years in his early 20's to a women 10 years older than he.  She was caught cheating on him.  When he asked her to stop, she said she did, but continued.  Their marriage ended in divorce.  All of those factors have created Thomas, a grown man without the ability to express his emotions.

I know that I scare Thomas.  I think he believes that I make him weak, because I create very strong emottions in him.  So strong he is not able to share them with me, for fear of rejection.  When we lived together, 10 years ago, he would tell me he loved me, when he thought I was sleeping.  That's how afriad he was of my response.

I have learned to accept his failing, mostly due to my relationship with James.  James freely emotionally vomits on me.  Without that very human connection, I would be lost.  For my part, I have told Thomas that I am in love him, without expecting a reponse, which he predictably did not deliver.  I also give him lost of hugs & little kisses.  Perhaps one day he will be comfortable doing those things for me, without prompting.  If not, I still have Thomas :)

Drugs & Sex

I finally got around to asking Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, if he would take mushrooms with me, while having sex.  He said, "No."  He went on to say that he does not take drugs & prefers to keep things that way.  His answer was not surprising, although annoying.

In his industry, drugs are everywhere.  People even smoke a joint on their breaks.  I heard that he purchased Extacy from a person in the industry, not knowing the person was in the industry.  That information got back to me & I assumed he would do it for me too.  I alluded to that & he said he has not ever taken Extacy, only cocaine 20 years ago & pot rarely.

I suppose that idea will have to wait.

Chaos Diverted?

I spent the night with Thomas, my secondary boyfriend.  He gave me no indication he was aware of the email debacle that happened with James, my primary boyfriend, & my whore email account.  In fact, he was more playful that usual.  At this point, I don't think he is aware of anything.  Although that could change at any moment.

In order to cut Thomas off at the pass, I contacted his business assistant,  Joanne, & gave her the scoop.  Because she knows I have gone back to whoring, she laughed.  She said she would just ignore the whole thing & it would probably go away, since both she & Thomas were so busy processing paperwork & invoices when the chaos unfurled.

I am relieved, but still a bit anxious.

Mushrooms & Sex

Thomas finally connected with me on a personal level, as we were leaving our out of own manual labor job, by email.  As you recall, many of my current & past lovers were on the job with me.  Thomas was our boss.

Thomas has this thing about not connecting with me on a personal level, when we are working together, not even a  hug.  However, 20 minutes after I was in the car, with James, heading home, he emailed me, wanting to know if I was available to see him that same night.  I declined, because I really wanted to relax from such a hard week.  I also wanted to reconnect with James. We did decide on seeing each other in 2 days.

I want to try something new with Thomas.  I want to take drugs with him, while having sex.  Thomas is my favorite sexual partner & he really drives me nuts, when we are doing the naughty.  I trust him completely & I know he can get a hold of any kind of drug we agree on, due to the nature of the industry he works in.  I guess I should mention that I am drug free & do not have an history of addiction.

I think I want to try mushrooms.

James makes a HUGE mistake

James, my primary boyfriend, just emailed Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, his work hours, from my whore email account.  James has access to my whore email account, because it links to my website & calendar.  He also often times screens potential new visitors.

Thomas responded to the email, by believing it was from another person on the work site, but wondering what happened to her other email address. Thomas does not know I have returned to whoring, after my arrest 4 years ago.  Although it would not surprise him, considering we met through the industry, with him being a former client.

We have decided to say nothing to Thomas & see what happens.  He could be so busy that he overlooks the odd email & does not catch on.  That would be a stroke of luck, since Thomas is incredibly smart & quick.  In reality, all he has to do is google that email address & everything attached to my whoring will pop up, including my website & reviews.

I am not sure how Thomas would react, if he thinks he knows what's going on.  He has this thing about not sharing personal details about his life with me, so he may decide not to ask any personal questions of me.

He may react negatively, believing I have been have sex with a bunch of different people, without discussing it with him first.  In reality, I do not have penetration sex with my visitors.  I don't even get undressed.  I doubt that would matter to him, if he thinks he has been betrayed.

As for James, I am really angry with him.  He should have been more careful.  Fortunately, I do not have to say anything to him, beyond a "WTF" look.  He knows things could go terribly wrong in this situation.  He also know that it will be his fault if I loose Thomas.

There is nothing more to do that wait.

Working 4some

Over the past week, I worked side by side with James, my current primary boyfriend, Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, & Landon, my former secondary boyfriend, who is now my roommate, while doing manual labor. The dynamic of each relationship was interesting.

James was my roommate in the hotel & my chauffeur to the job site.  He also entertained me, when we were on our breaks. Thomas was our boss & never approached me for anything other than for business reasons.  Not even a hug. Landon was caught giving me the gushy look from time to time, but went no further in discussing his feelings.

Thomas & Mexico

Many years ago, Thomas had the opportunity to take me across the county on his motorcycle.  However, in order to go, I had to weigh no more than 148 pounds.  I wanted to go & so I accomplished my goal successfully.  It was the first time I was able to achieve such a large weight loss.

I asked Thomas to do the same thing again.  At first, after thoughtful consideration, he said no, because he did not think he would have the time to dedicate to me.  I was utterly lost.  I wanted to loose the weight again, but nothing over the past five years had worked.

Several days later, he wanted to know how my weight loss was going.  I told him I had not started, because there was no reward in place.  He then explained that although he could not be with me for the entire weight loss journey that he could give me the ultimate reward or punishment.

He said that in the original conversation I had mentioned going to the beach with him for a week, if I could loose all the weight.  That was an easy reward for him to give me, considering he stays at a family beach house regularly, during the spring, before rental season begins.  However, he mentioned that going to the beach could mean any beach, including Mexico.

I got excited.  Thomas & I had gotten our SCUBA diving certification in Mexico 10 years earlier.  But, we had not returned & our relationship soured, although we have remain in each other's lives.

The punishment was something as bad as the reward was great.  I have agreed to work for him free of charge in an amount that is equal to a trip to Mexico for a week, $1400.  I am very business minded & the thought of doing any work for free, drives me nuts.

In our last email communication a few minutes ago, Thomas asked "Any rules, conditions, or terms from your end?"  That's where it stands.  I am really excited.  I am also really nervous.

I do have ulterior motives in doing all of this.  Yeah, it would be fabulous to have a bikini body on a beach in Mexico.  However, I am hoping that going to Mexico, with Thomas, will allow him to see me a potential romantic partner, rather than just a boink buddy.   We did have that chemistry many years ago.  Could it happen again?

Thomas

I would really love to have a deeply connected romantic relationship with Thomas, my boink buddy.  However, based upon my relationship with him over the last 11 years, it does not seem to be in the cards for us.  We are perpetually off & on.  Sometimes I do not hear from him for 6 months.  Sometimes it's daily.  What always brings us back together is the sex.

Thomas is my favorite sex partner.  He does things to me that no one else can even come close to. He twists my soul, just about every time I am with him.  In other sexual relationships, I am always the one in control, although not in a dominating type of way.  I am the one who guides my partner.

Thomas is different.  The moment he sees me, he is fully erect & ready to play.  It's as though I am his little toy.  He has full domain over my entire body, without a single word.  When he does things that I perceive as slightly romantic, such as deep intimate kissing or cuddling, I melt.

Unfortunately, beyond the bedroom, we seem to be incompatible.  He is unemotional &detached, often times becoming very grumpy.  He is certainly in no position to be a loving additional partner.  Fortunately, I accept our relationship as it is & enjoy every moment I am with him.

James Has a Change in Heart

James, my live-in boyfriend of 5 years, did something very surprising this morning.  He reconsidered his thoughts on not wanting me to go scuba diving with my lover, Thomas.  He was online trying to complete his class work to be a certified diver, as I am, & realized that if I had the opportunity to go on a week long diving trip in the Caribbean, I should, regardless of who would be taking me.  Originally, he said he did not want me to go, not because he was jealous of my lover, but because he wanted to be able to afford to do the same for me.