BabyDaddie's Girlfriend

I decided to do something I have never done in the past, in regard to my ex-husband & BabyDaddie.  I contacted his current girlfriend to see if she could talk some sense in him, about his unwillingness to pay for half of his child's dental issues.

I absolutely love his girlfriend & I am sure why she remains with him, nonetheless I am very respectful of the position she holds in his life.  So, I went to her & explained that if BabyDaddie did not agree to pay for half of the medical care, as detailed in the divorce degree, I would be forced to go to court.  In that case, the worst possible scenario for him would be paying 70% of the costs, all attorney's fees, all court costs, & hiking up his monthly child support.  That's something I absolutely do not want to do, because in the end, the only people who really win, when going to court, are the attorneys.

The problem is BabyDaddie would be very upset if he found out that Girlfriend & I even discussed him.  So, if she does not pop the conversation on her own, her next in will be when I file the court papers & he is served.  I'm sure she will know immediately, because he will call her immediately to complain.  Hopefully, at that point, she will say something like "Have you talked to an attorney?  Maybe it's a good idea, before you go to court.  It can't hurt."

Fingers crossed...

"Don't bring my name into this!"

I could see the finish line, when it came to dealing with BabyDaddie, considering Virginia  my daughter, is nearly 17. However, now that she needs to have cavities filled & all her wisdom teeth pulled, which is not covered by the insurance, he refuses to pay for half, although it's considered an "extraordinary" medical expense. Unfortunately, for him, I knew that would be his reaction & did my legal research & contacted my attorney, before I asked nicely for him to help. Now, if I file paperwork with the courts, he will more than likely have to pay for a much larger percentage. Hopefully, he will decide to play nicely over the weekend, before I get to the courthouse.

He keeps blessing me & saying "God is good all the time" & "I'm praying for you". In reality, his god is looking at him & thinking, "No wonder Christians get such a bad wrap, you stupid fucktard. Don't bring my name into this!"

BabyDaddie Checks

Virginia wants to take over the BabyDaddie checks I receive every month from her father, my ex-husband.  The amount is $922 a month.  Previously she did just that with a fair amount of success.  With the money, she has to pay her rent, food, utilities, clothing, & anything she wants.  I think it's a great way to teach her responsible money practices.  I have to chat with James to make sure we are in a good place for her to take over.  What are your thoughts?

Family Therapy

I have decided to return to family therapy with Virginia, my 14-year-old daughter.  It seems we have difficulty communicating & she transfers her anger towards her father to me.  The last time I, BabyDaddie & Virginia went to family therapy, the therapist said I did not need to be there, because  I seemed to have a healthier relationship with Virginia, than BabyDaddie.  So, the two of them, continued to go to therapy two more times.  However, they soon stopped.

This time, I am focused on my relationship with her, rather than there's.  This has enraged BabyDaddie, because he believes that he should be there, every time Virginia goes to therapy.  I disagree, because I know if he does attend he & his problems will take over the meeting & I want to focus on my relationship with her.  Besides, if he wanted to have more therapy sessions with Virginia, he could schedule them himself.

I think the real reason he does not want me to go to therapy with her is because he thinks negative things will be said about him.  I also think he believes that me taking her to therapy may look good in court.  In reality,  I try to avoid saying anything negative about BabyDaddie & I would take her to therapy, even if a court date was not approaching.

Our first therapy session with just us girls is tomorrow at 10:30am.

Successful Family Therapy

I & Virginia, my 14-year-old daughter, went to our family therapy appointment today.  My goal was to learn to communicate better, as many of our conversations end in tears & yelling.

After asking questions & hearing us talk, our therapist had an opinion.  She told Virginia that she was not completely faultless in our issues we were having.  She pointed out to Virginia that she had a tendency to interrupt people & did not accept responsibility for her actions.  I had mentioned those things to Virginia several times, but as most teenagers do, she tunes me out, when she thinks I am attacking her.  It felt good to have someone else recognize those characteristics & tell Virginia.

As for me, she said I needed to make sure Virginia & I were on the same page, when I gave her an answer to a request she makes.  She said that many teenagers do not understand the concept of "Let me think about it", "maybe", or  "It's a possibility", because they will translate all of that into "Yes".  She said if I could not give Virginia an answer immediately, I should just say, "No."  Also, when I did give an answer, I should ask Virginia to repeat what I said to her, to make sure she heard my answer accurately.

Also, something both sad & interesting manifested itself in the session.  Virginia said she believed that the reason I was taking my evenings off in order to be with her, after receiving her poor grades in the last semester, was to look good at our court appearance on December 20th.  That is exactly the same thing BabyDaddie told her.  So, apparently although she says she does not listen to him, he still has a negative influence over her.

I knew about the court date a full month, prior to Virginia's poor grades.  Therefore, the therapist said that me changing my work hours had nothing to do with the court date.   In addition, the therapist said people change for all kinds of reasons & whether it was because of her grades or the court appearance makes no difference in the end.  The test would be whether or not I maintained my hours with Virginia in the evenings, after the court appearance.

I have every intention of doing that.  In fact, I want Virginia to be disappointed when I am not with her in the evenings.  To accomplish that, we are settling into a ritual that seems to be pleasant of both of us.  From 6pm to 8pm, we have quiet time.  For those two hours, we turn off all tech stuff, including cell phones & computers.  Usually, she does her homework & I make dinner.  Then, from 8pm to 10pm she retreats to her room or we watch a movie.  However, I hope to make the 8pm to 10pm time frame even more productive by joining a gym & having her be my gym buddy, as she has mentioned wanting to do in the past.

Our therapist said she thought we needed more sessions & so we will be returning December 22nd.  Thank goodness for insurance.

I would never join a club in which BabyDaddie is a member.

Over the Thanksgiving holiday, BabyDaddie had a conversation with Virginia, in which he said the reason I am giving up my work hours, in the evening, is to look good in our court proceeding on December 20th.  In reality, I gave up my work hours in the evening because half of Virginia's grades for the last marking period were failing.  I strongly believe she needs more supervision & as the parent she lives with & gets along with, it is my responsibility to give her that.

I don't like my BabyDaddie, but I do respect him as the father of my only child.  It would be nice if he treated me respectfully, by first not having an adult conversation with our 14-year-old daughter, about issues that she does not need to know about & then by not saying mean spiteful things about her mother.

Now, here's the kicker.  BabyDaddie goes on & on about being a good little Christian, particularly when he said that I am a sad woman & I will never have love in my heart, until I accept Jesus Christ as my savior.  I would never join a club in which BabyDaddie is a member, given his behavior.