A Herd of Teens

I went to pick up Virginia, my 16-year-old daughter, from her friend's home & I was surrounded by a herd of teens, asking about polyamory & bisexuality.  They were completely enthralled.  At first, my daughter coaxed them into asking questions, which they sheepishly did, with her guidance.  By the end, they were so comfortable, I could barely finish answering a question, before another one was thrown at me.  In my household, such conversations are a daily event.  It was fascinating to deal directly with other's that did not have that experience, especially a group so young.

The Latest Psychological Guide to Sexually Open Relationships

A classic psychology study explored men's greater appetite for sex without ties; an attractive male or female approached strangers of the other sex at a college, declaring, "I have been noticing you around campus. I find you very attractive." The collaborators with the experiment then asked one of three questions, randomly selected before approaching the subject: (a) Would you go out with me tonight? (b) Would you come over to my apartment tonight? (c) Would you go to bed with me tonight?

To the first question, both males and females assented 50% of the time. To the second, 69% of males and 6% of females responded affirmatively. To the third question, 75% of males, and 0% of females said yes, and the men who declined often apologized and cited a conflict due to previous plans.

Another study found males wanting an average of 18 sex partners in their lifetime, compared to women, who reported desiring four to five partners.

Kevin Zimmerman from Iowa State University, cites these studies in an intriguing academic guide to sexually open relationships, which has recently been published.

He marshals a host of scientific research which questions whether everyone was really meant to be monogamous, and whether a great deal of couples' unhappiness arises out of pre-supposing monogamy is the only option.

Zimmerman raises the question of whether we could be socialized to believe that to be devoted to a second person is to love the first less, even though this standard does not apply when discussing adoring more than one child, for example.

Zimmerman explains that open relationships are different from infidelity or cheating because partners agree on the sexual boundaries of the relationship, and there is no deception about sex. Successful open relationships typically involve those who privilege authenticity over conformity in their relationships. 'Open' relationships can be characterised by more honesty and better observation of boundaries.

Zimmerman's paper is published in the 'Journal of Feminist Family Therapy' - 'open' relationships are sometimes seen as raising the status of women, releasing them to be with whom they want, bestowing greater power over their own bodies. Some heterosexual feminist women prefer 'open' relationships, he points out, to avoid appearing dependent on men, or out of contempt for being 'submerged' into a couple.

Surveys indicate that 79% of Americans believe that it's always wrong for the married to conduct sexual relationships outside of marriage, yet the most up to date research Zimmerman quotes indicates estimates of infidelity are closer to 60% for men and 40% for women.

Monogamy is also the exception to relationships throughout the animal kingdom. Zimmerman cites work contending that of 4,000 mammal species, only about 3%, have been found to be monogamous, plus of the world's roughly 400 species of primates, monogamy has been reported for only nine.

Zimmerman argues even the shape of the male penis, together with male thrusting, apparently facilitates removal of other males' semen from the vagina, according to previous research. In monogamous species, males and females are similar in body size and the males sport smaller testicles compared to non-monogamous males - testicle and body size of men in homo sapiens is what would be expected for a polygamous species. Our body shape reveals we are not biologically designed to be faithful.

Zimmerman's paper entitled, 'Clients in Sexually Open Relationships: Considerations for Therapists', explains that optimal evolutionary strategy is to appear monogamous while being polygamous covertly. It might be in the best interest of both men and women to present (or misrepresent) themselves to potential mates as loyal. A particular advantage might accrue to females who present (misrepresent) themselves as having a low sex drive, linked to uncertainty of paternity.

Of the 185 human societies investigated in one study, only 29 restricted their members to monogamy, in addition, 154 of the 185 societies allowed men to have multiple partners if they could afford them.

Zimmerman explains that 'Partnered non-monogamy' refers to a committed couple that allows for sex outside the central relationship. Swinging is non-monogamy in a social context, also referred to as "the lifestyle", 'Polyamory' allows for partners to have more than one relationship that is sexual, loving, and emotional. 'Polyfidelity' refers to three or more people who have made a commitment to be in a primary relationship together. A monogamous/non-monogamous partnership is one in which one person is monogamous and the other is not.

Bisexual women appear numerous in polyamorous communities; the standing joke being that they can "have their Jake and Edith too". According to Zimmerman, research confirms homosexual couples are much more likely to allow extra-dyadic sex. Two thirds of male couples of all durations are in sexually open relationships. All 156 homosexual couples in one sample who had been together for over five years, described their relationships as being open, indicating that having an open relationship may be related to couple longevity. Zimmerman also cites surveys which confirm that heterosexual couples in open relationships can be happy, intimate, and well-adjusted.

In a society in which monogamy is the only acceptable way to be in a committed relationship, Zimmerman contends individuals who experience attraction for anyone else besides their primary partner, often experience guilt shame, and deceit. Being too invested in the idea of monogamy and marriage paradoxically makes it more likely that many find the only way to accommodate our non-monogamous biology, is to cheat.

Many choose to carry on a secret sex life rather than openly discuss and resolve conflicts with their partners, because of the social taboos that exist about extra-relational sex and sex generally.

These arguments and evidence suggest the stigma over open relationships could be changing, and in the future, this lifestyle might even become the norm. Zimmerman compares co-habitation before or instead of marriage, around which there was a similar strong taboo just a generation ago.

Zimmerman's paper contends that couples therapists might need to confront their implicit 'hetero-centrism' - that heterosexuality and heterosexual relationships are the norm against which all other sexualities and sexual relationships should be judged.

One of the co-authors of this article (HH-N) experiences of working in sexual therapy has been that the "I" generation (those born in 1980-99) seem less empathic towards partners' feelings and values and seem less committed to life-long relationships. Many from all generations live in "intimate" relationships that do not fulfil sexual needs. Partners may be chosen because they are supportive or would make good parents, but these qualities do not necessary match with being a great lover.

Given the new opportunities provided by the internet, it is inevitable, sex outside marriages is therefore probably increasing.

Yet whether this is indeed a good thing, or not, remains open to question.

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/dr-raj-persaud/the-latest-psychological-guide-sexually-open-relationships_b_3290994.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&just_reloaded=1&src=sp&comm_ref=false#sb=156680b=facebook

Training Rachel

I had dinner with Rachel, my new girlfriend, last night.  I really enjoy chatting with her.  However, I have noticed that she become a little needy, by my standards.  For example, I don't do same-day stuff very well.  By 8am, my entire day is planned.    However, she prefers to do spur of the moment kinds of things & if I don't comply, she seems to get a little whiny   So, I am trying to train her to give me some notice, by at least a day.  I do make it worth her time, to prepare in advance, by coming up with fun things for us to do.

Thomas Shines

I visited my booty call, Thomas, from 12am to 9am today.  Surprisingly, it was the best sex we have had in a very long time, playing with each other nonstop for well over 2 hours.  Unfortunately, this has not been the case in the last 6 months.  Usually, I visited & he would boink me really well for about 30 minutes, if I was lucky, & then fall asleep.  I am not sure what got into him last night.  Hopefully, it will continue. :)

James Boinks His Step-Sister

James, my primary & live-in boyfriend, is spending the week in Key West, Florida with his family & is hoping to have sex with his step-sister.  Yeap, I said it:  STEP-SISTER.  If it makes you feel any better, they are not related by blood & they never lived together.

So far, it has been a total bust.  He doesn't particularly like his family, because they drink a lot, are combative, & complain about most things.  He was hoping that doing naughty things with his step-sister would make the trip worth it, but so far that has not been the case.  Sad James.

His step-sister is in a sexless marriage & through explaining to her that we are polyamorous, James must have convinced her that having sex with him was a safe alternative to being unhappy or having an affair with someone who would cause chaos in her marital relationship.  James sees her two or three times a year & hopefully they have at it.

It's funny.  When I was first introduced to the family, James loved taking me on trips to see his family.  However, ever since he & his step-sister started doing the naughty, he seems to want to go alone.  Apparently, she is less apt to fuck him, when I am in proximity. :)

So Much in the Last Month

I apologize for not writing more.  Jeebus, so much has happened in the last month, everything from a new girlfriend to opening my own escort agency to changes in the labor organizing to my diet.  SO MUCH!  I will be catching you up on all of it in the next week.

Poly Meetup Fail

We recently went to a poly meetup, in order to find more attractive women who would be interested in being sex workers.  I have find that many times those in the alternative lifestyle community are more likely to take a walk on the wild side for money, than vanilla people.  We also went to try & find James a local girlfriend.  We failed on both accounts.

Unfortunately, there were no women who were more than averagely attractive.  Also, because James & I are in a healthy long term polyamorous relationship, we are often the center of attention at the meetings, with people asking of lots of questions.  This does not give us a lot of time to focus on finding an additional partner for James.  We will try again in the future.

Landon Moves Out

Landon, my former secondary live in boyfriend, finally decided to make the decision to move out of our home, after I put a little bug in his ear, giving him permission to do so.  Landon was never really comfortable living with the tribe & his actions made that clear, such as moving all the way to the basement, rather than sleeping on the top floor with everyone else.

In addition, Landon was not polyamorous.  He was monogamous with me.  So, although he was accepting of James, because "he was there first", he never really embraced the concept of being a "tribe".  From time to time, he would ask questions about what if James & I broke up, would he just have me.  My answer was & always will be "No.  I was born polyamorous & always will be."  Further, he was rarely home, instead often times staying at his elderly grandmother's house, which is closer to his work. Now, he has moved out 80% of his things & is going to live with his grandmother full-time, along with his children, when they visit.  All in all, I think everyone is happy with the situation.

I do not think a relationship is a failure, as long as you learned something from it.  In the case of Landon, I learned that I should not date someone who is not polyamorous.

Dating Process

Because of the nature of my world, I have to be very cautious about the people I allow in it.  My polyamorous dating process is this...

1.  I have to spend considerable completely non-sexual time with a person, sometime up to 6 months.

2.  Once that occurs & we come to the understanding that we would like to start a romantic & sexual relationship, I go to James, my primary/live in boyfriend, asking if he is in a comfortable place in his world that I can divert time & attention away from him, in order to grow a healthy relationship with a new person.  If he says that's fine...

3.   I introduce the new person to James, usually through James cooking a meal for us.

4.  If everyone agrees to continue, the new person & I will have STD checks done.

5.  I give the new person a link to my "tribe" calendar, so he can see the daily schedule of our lives.  He is also allowed to add his own information, such as requested private times to be spent with me or the tribe.

6.  I hope for the best.

Because my life is going to explode in 2014, due to us moving, my daughter starting her life alone, my book being published, & a possible marriage, between James & I, I have to be very careful about who I invite into my world.  They have to fit, both in actions & personality.  It is long & drawn out process.  In the end, I think it's worth it.  I think the tribe is worth it.

Thomas Disappoints

After waiting a week, I finally got the opportunity to talk to Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, about his friend, Max, dating me.  His response was not a surprise, but a HUGE disappointment.  While laying in bed, he covered his head like a small child & said, "I am well aware that Max wants to date you.  You think we have something to talk about with Max, but we do not.  I have nothing to do with that situation."  I was speechless.

As a healthy polyamorous person, communication is the cornerstone of my world.  In one moment, he completely disassociated me & seemingly went into denial.  I am completely happy with my actions.  I did what was necessary for me to be comfortable with the situation.  

I am not sure what to do with Thomas now, except I have downgraded him to booty call.  Perhaps Max will fill his spot.  Perhaps not.  It will be fun finding out one way of the other.

Introducing Max

A collision of worlds took place over the weekend.  Thomas, my secondary boyfriend & sometimes boss, invited his employees out to dinner to pick up their checks from a particularly large job.  While their, I sat next to Thomas & as usual he ignored me for the most part, as he turned his back to me & watched the game on TV, because he is very discreet & prefers other employees to not know we are having sex.

20 minutes into my meal & tall gentleman sat at our table & at first only spoke to Thomas, putting me in the middle of the conversation, because each of them was on either side of me & spoke to each other across the table.  Eventually, the gentleman & I began to speak.

It turns out he was one of Thomas's best friends & business acquaintances.  That concept is incredibly strange for me, because in the 11 years I have known Thomas I have never met someone in his personal life...ever.

Max & I had an instant connection.  Although he proclaimed to be very shy, reminding me he sat in the corner of the room intentionally, he opened up to me about every facet of his world.  We chatted two hours after everyone, including Thomas, had left.  By the end of our evening, it was quite clear that we were interested in having sex with each other.

I explained to Max that I am polyamorous & I consider Thomas, his friend, my secondary boyfriend, although I have no idea how Thomas considers me.  Because of that, in order to have sex with him, I have to have multiple conversations with multiple people, over multiple weeks.  He grudgingly agreed.  Before we parted, we exchanged cellphone numbers & hugs.

The next morning, Thomas emailed me, explaining Max wanted him to pass along his cellphone number to me, although I already had it.  James, my primary boyfriend, explained that was a guy's way of finding out whether or not Thomas was okay with Max dating me.

This situation will lead to a very interesting conversation with me & Thomas.  Because Thomas is not able to explain his emotions easily, he has never told me where we stand, in terms of our relationship.  I do not know if he considers me his girlfriend, booty call, fuck buddy or what.  I do not know if he gave me Max's number because he wants someone else to attempt to make me happy or because he really does not care enough about me to stop it.  I have no idea.

The only way I can have this conversation with Thomas is in person, otherwise he will perceive it as rude.  Sometimes I see him four times a week.  Sometimes I see him once every 2 weeks.  I have even seen him once in 6 months.  So, I have no idea when the conversation will occur.

In the meantime, Max & I communicate by text daily & he tells me frequently, that he "just want to watch a movie & kiss".   James, giggles at me, knowing only such a situation would occur in my life, as I add another disciple to my altar.

Mary & Dinner

James, my primary boyfriend, invited Mary, a wrench wench, to dinner tonight.  The original reason was because, while working with us, out of town for a week, she mentioned she needed to move out of her parents home & we have multiple empty rooms in our home.  However, the real reason he invited her over is James is really interested in having sex with her.  Who am I kidding?  As a middle aged man, James is interested in having sex with any cute girl in her 20's.  Mary fits the bill.

James is so wonderfully charming & childlike, when he gets someone new in his sights.  He becomes hyper giddy & playful.  Frequently, I am focus of that energy, when is victim is not around, so it's fun, while it lasts.

Unfortunately, James has many obstacles in his way to finding an additional partner.  For starters, he is a man.  In sex & dating, men are at the mercy of women.  While men look for a reason to have sex with a stranger, women look for a reason not to have sex with a stranger.  James is in his mid 50's, but his spirit is still in his 20's & 30's.  Therefore, he relates to people of that age.  Sadly, very few women in there 20's & 30's want to date a man in his 50's.  To top it all off, James is polyamorous.  That is not negotiable.  He must also find a polyamorous partner.  He has lots of road blocks.

Perhaps things will work out with him & Mary.  Chances are likely they will not.  Either way, we will have a lovely dinner tonight :)

LIBERATED IN LOVE: CAN OPEN MARRIAGE WORK

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/magazine/feature-articles/open-marriages-0809?click=main_srEnjoy.%20let%20me%20know%20wha

These days, when a bride floats down the aisle we think of a monogamous future in which she and her husband are blissfully faithful forever; anything else seems shocking, bohemian, perverse. Take the unusual and much-talked-about ménage of flame-haired actress Tilda Swinton. She lives in a large, rambling house in Scotland with her twins and their father, playwright John Byrne — and her lover, Sandro Kopp, a beautiful, shaggy-haired artist nearly 20 years younger than she is, sometimes lives there too. When pressed by reporters, she has called her arrangement "sane," which is about the last word most of us would associate with that kind of home life. "We are all a family," she has said. "What you must also know is that we are all very happy."

No doubt there are hidden difficulties that Swinton is not delving into. But is it possible that other ways of life can offer a rich or complicated kind of happiness? Is our idea of love perhaps too narrow, too literal, too unimaginative? The legendary journalist Gay Talese has been married to his glamorous editor wife, Nan, for 50 years this past June, and he is currently writing a book on their extraordinary and epic relationship. Over the years, he has had what he calls "romantic friendships" with other people, but the Taleses have maintained a closer and deeper connection than that of many more ordinary couples. "One can coast on the pillow talk of an affair for years. Affairs don't have the burden of breakfast, lunch, and dinner," Talese says. "But in the end, sex is not that important. The premier affair is marriage. Marriage is the main event."

In the 1910s and '20s, it was fashionable in certain circles to carry on with this type of romantic experiment. Virginia Woolf's sister, Vanessa Bell, a ravishing, statuesque painter who liked to wear gypsyish head scarves, lived on an English country estate with her lover, Duncan Grant, his gay lover, and her children, and her husband sometimes popped by for a week or two. She believed it was more important to live fully than to be conventionally comfortable or secure. One of Bell's frequent guests and ex-flames, the art critic Roger Fry, called her unorthodox household "a triumph of reasonableness over the conventions."

Open marriages have always fascinated and unsettled us because they threaten our assumptions; they raise questions we prefer not be raised. Is it too much to ask that one be attracted to, or intimate with, only one person for the rest of his or her days? How can we balance the comfort and stability of marriage with the desire for novelty and freshness? How does one resolve the yearning for freedom with the need for a settled life? A friend of mine has a pact with her husband that if one of them has a one-night stand while traveling away from the family, it's okay. She tells me, "In a long marriage begun in one's 20s, it seems to me that fetishizing monogamy is a mistake. Our arrangement is that if a partner wants to explore a fleeting intimacy with another while, say, abroad, this is okay, with the caveat that it's like gays in the military: Don't ask, don't tell." They've agreed that a far-flung fling every once in a while is not threatening to their relationship. This pact seems bewildering and scandalous to nearly everyone they describe it to. But for them, the possibility — the idea itself — lets some air into the marriage.

But are open marriages happy? We all know about spiking divorce rates in the '70s and the crazy ice storm that was marriage at that time. In 1972, there was a best-selling book, Open Marriage, that asked, "Is it the 'unfaithful' human being who is the failure, or is it the standard itself?" But its co-author Nena O'Neill recanted several years later, writing that fidelity was central to marriage. Jealousy is not, after all, an easy emotion to overcome. The fantasy that one can transcend rogue feelings like possessiveness and anger is rarely ever true, but one still can't help noticing that there are some unconventional marriages that endure where more traditional unions fail.

Talese says that offbeat marriages can be stronger "because you are both free and you remain together by choice, because of your admiration for each other day by day. I've never for one day in 50 years felt that Nan didn't love me, and she's never felt that I didn't love her."

It is an act of imagination to live differently from everyone else, and maybe, in rare and magnificent moments, it works.

Liberated in Love: Can Open Marriage Work?

With actress Tilda Swinton declaring that three is company in her relationship, we explore whether giving up monogamy can set you free.

By Katie Roiph

These days, when a bride floats down the aisle we think of a monogamous future in which she and her husband are blissfully faithful forever; anything else seems shocking, bohemian, perverse. Take the unusual and much-talked-about ménage of flame-haired actress Tilda Swinton. She lives in a large, rambling house in Scotland with her twins and their father, playwright John Byrne — and her lover, Sandro Kopp, a beautiful, shaggy-haired artist nearly 20 years younger than she is, sometimes lives there too. When pressed by reporters, she has called her arrangement "sane," which is about the last word most of us would associate with that kind of home life. "We are all a family," she has said. "What you must also know is that we are all very happy."

No doubt there are hidden difficulties that Swinton is not delving into. But is it possible that other ways of life can offer a rich or complicated kind of happiness? Is our idea of love perhaps too narrow, too literal, too unimaginative? The legendary journalist Gay Talese has been married to his glamorous editor wife, Nan, for 50 years this past June, and he is currently writing a book on their extraordinary and epic relationship. Over the years, he has had what he calls "romantic friendships" with other people, but the Taleses have maintained a closer and deeper connection than that of many more ordinary couples. "One can coast on the pillow talk of an affair for years. Affairs don't have the burden of breakfast, lunch, and dinner," Talese says. "But in the end, sex is not that important. The premier affair is marriage. Marriage is the main event."

In the 1910s and '20s, it was fashionable in certain circles to carry on with this type of romantic experiment. Virginia Woolf's sister, Vanessa Bell, a ravishing, statuesque painter who liked to wear gypsyish head scarves, lived on an English country estate with her lover, Duncan Grant, his gay lover, and her children, and her husband sometimes popped by for a week or two. She believed it was more important to live fully than to be conventionally comfortable or secure. One of Bell's frequent guests and ex-flames, the art critic Roger Fry, called her unorthodox household "a triumph of reasonableness over the conventions."

Open marriages have always fascinated and unsettled us because they threaten our assumptions; they raise questions we prefer not be raised. Is it too much to ask that one be attracted to, or intimate with, only one person for the rest of his or her days? How can we balance the comfort and stability of marriage with the desire for novelty and freshness? How does one resolve the yearning for freedom with the need for a settled life? A friend of mine has a pact with her husband that if one of them has a one-night stand while traveling away from the family, it's okay. She tells me, "In a long marriage begun in one's 20s, it seems to me that fetishizing monogamy is a mistake. Our arrangement is that if a partner wants to explore a fleeting intimacy with another while, say, abroad, this is okay, with the caveat that it's like gays in the military: Don't ask, don't tell." They've agreed that a far-flung fling every once in a while is not threatening to their relationship. This pact seems bewildering and scandalous to nearly everyone they describe it to. But for them, the possibility — the idea itself — lets some air into the marriage.

But are open marriages happy? We all know about spiking divorce rates in the '70s and the crazy ice storm that was marriage at that time. In 1972, there was a best-selling book, Open Marriage, that asked, "Is it the 'unfaithful' human being who is the failure, or is it the standard itself?" But its co-author Nena O'Neill recanted several years later, writing that fidelity was central to marriage. Jealousy is not, after all, an easy emotion to overcome. The fantasy that one can transcend rogue feelings like possessiveness and anger is rarely ever true, but one still can't help noticing that there are some unconventional marriages that endure where more traditional unions fail.

Talese says that offbeat marriages can be stronger "because you are both free and you remain together by choice, because of your admiration for each other day by day. I've never for one day in 50 years felt that Nan didn't love me, and she's never felt that I didn't love her."

It is an act of imagination to live differently from everyone else, and maybe, in rare and magnificent moments, it works. 

http://www.harpersbazaar.com/magazine/feature-articles/open-marriages-0809?click=main_srEnjoy.%20let%20me%20know%20wha

Working 4some

Over the past week, I worked side by side with James, my current primary boyfriend, Thomas, my secondary boyfriend, & Landon, my former secondary boyfriend, who is now my roommate, while doing manual labor. The dynamic of each relationship was interesting.

James was my roommate in the hotel & my chauffeur to the job site.  He also entertained me, when we were on our breaks. Thomas was our boss & never approached me for anything other than for business reasons.  Not even a hug. Landon was caught giving me the gushy look from time to time, but went no further in discussing his feelings.

HUGE warm fuzzy

I really love James, my primary boyfriend.  He just brought me hot tea & gave me a HUGE warm fuzzy.  He reminds me a great deal of my father whose hobby was making my mother happy.  He succeeded for most of their 40 year marriage.  I wonder if James & I will have such luck.

He is definitely the most compatible person I have ever been in a romantic relationship with.  No matter where I am or whom I am with, I miss him.  I crave him.  I love him.

I am Polyamorous

Polyamory (from Greek πολυ [poly, meaning many or several] and Latin amor [literally “love”]) is the desire, practice, or acceptance of having more than one loving, intimate relationship at a time with the full knowledge and consent of everyone involved. Polyamorous perspectives differ from monogamous perspectives, in that they reflect one or more partner's wish(es) to have further meaningful relationships and to accommodate these alongside their existing relationships.

The term polyamory is sometimes abbreviated to poly, especially as a form of self-description, and is sometimes described as consensual, ethical, or responsible non-monogamy.

Polyamory is usually taken as a description of a lifestyle, philosophy or relationship orientation (much like gender orientation), rather than of an individual's actual relationship status at a given moment. It is an umbrella term that covers many orientations and modes of relationship. There is fluidity in its definition to accommodate the different shades of meaning which might be covered. Polyamorous relationships are themselves varied, reflecting the choices and philosophies of the individuals concerned.

Polyamory is distinct from polygamy, being closer to a personal outlook than a predefined bonding system. It is grounded in such concepts as choice, trust, equality of free will, and the more novel idea of compersion, rather than in cultural or religious tradition.

Sexworker Discussion Group

Yesterday, James asked if I wanted to go to one of our poly group discussions in November, featuring a conversation on sexworkers.  I said the concept sounded interesting.  However, I did not know how he wanted to maneuver the situation, consider I am a sexworker.  Did he want to go just to listen or did he want us to participate in the conversation, as a sexwork & her lifemate.  When he said, "You are welcome to openly talk about your profession, because I have always supported you", I got warm fuzzies.  It is an incredible experience to be involved with such a confident man who is not only completely accepting of who I am & not to be challenged negatively by me. I <3 James.

James's Divorce

James, my primary boyfriend, is in the process of getting divorced.  If everything goes as planned, it should be finalized on Oct. 1, 2010.  The process has been surprisingly amicable.  Once they went into counseling, James, finally told his wife the polyamorous lifestyle he wanted to live.  Sadly, the lifestyle he wants to live was not the one he & his wife had agreed to when they got engaged.  Although he told her he preferred to keep his marriage, as well as have additional romantic partners (not just sexual) during the therapy session, she rightly did not accept his philosophy.  Why should she?

Although I have never spoken to her, she has my deepest respect.  I was very proud of her for standing up to him & telling him she would not accept that arrangement.  Many women would have blamed themselves or worse.  In addition, she has help to create the man that I love.  Without her, there would be no him.

I can only wish her the very best.  I was completely charmed by her desire to have their marriage of 25-years annulled in the Catholic Church.  Being a good little agnostic,  I wasn't even aware they still did that.  Perhaps her intentions are to remarry.  What a wonderful thought.  I hope she finds someone who is worthy of her time, energy & love.  I also hope she finds someone who has her same lovestyle whether, monogamous or otherwise.

James Moves In

My boyfriend of two years, James, & I have decided to move in together at the end of September. Although I had originally requested that for the fall of 2010, due to circumstances in his life, we choose to move the time frame up a year.

I am a bit nervous, because I have not lived with anyone else in six years. However, as we have gone through the process of picking out a new place, as well as discussing finances, I become more & more comfortable. We communicate incredibly well. I think as long as we keep that up, we will be successful.

Our sex lives will probably become more intense & varied, once he moves in, because he will have the ability to stay with me for extended periods of time. We are planning a trip to a local swing club in celebration, as well as becoming more active in the BDSM, pagan, & poly communities. In addition, we recently had a yummy threesome with one of our favorite girl crushes. Once we move in together, we hope to entertain her more, as well as others.