I have learned a very power lesson, awaiting my trial. There are very few people in life that will run to your help you in times of desperation. The ones that do, should be loved, respected, rewarded, & appreciated.
I was a bit surprised at the people who I thought would be more supportive, such as my brother. My brother, Edwin, has been a sad spirit, since his mid-twenties. I am not sure what happened in his life to make him disheartened. I am not sure if he is sad about life in general or me specifically. Whatever the answer, we have not had a heart felt conversation in 10 years, until three weeks after my arrest.
I was a bit puzzled as to why he did not contact me. The police took my personal cell phone, so I had no idea of how to contact him.
In addition, because of the nature of our relationship & me being
the focus of a bad situation, I thought he should be the one to reach
out to me. When three weeks had passed, I contacted my mother & mentioned how disappointed I was in him. I also asked her to have him contact me & if he did not I was no longer interested in him, as a brother.
He promptly called two days later. Sadly, I was not able to talk to him directly, so he left a message. The message was disappointing.
In his first sentence, he did not say something like “We have not
connected in some time & I would like to make sure you are okay.” He instead said “I heard something bad happened to you.” His final sentence was “If you have any questions, please call.”
Well, I had questions, so I called. He answered & I told him I had two questions.
The first one was, “Why did it take you the prompting of our mom to
have you call me?” & “Why has it taken you 10 years to have a
conversation with me?”
He replied with “I do not want to go into that”. I responded with “I really appreciate you calling. However, you have not been supportive of me in the last 10 years. Therefore there is no need for you to be supportive now. I truly wish you & your family well.” Then, I hung up.
I promptly called my parent’s home to let them know what happened. My father, home recovering from Hodgkin's lymphoma (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hodgkin's_lymphoma)
answered. I relayed him the conversation I had with my brother. I heard
him cry for the first time in 35 years. He said that Edwin often made
him feel like he blamed my parents for something that has made him sad
in his life. He said that when my brother called to ask him about his
recovery, he asked the correct questions; however, there was no warmth
in his voice.
My
father then went on to say that no matter what had taken place in my
life, I have always accepted responsibility, without blaming others. My
brother seemed to be different in that regard.
Because
I have not had an emotional connection with my brother in 10 years, I
do not feel any regret over my conversation with him. In fact, I am
proud of myself for standing up to him. Up
until two years ago, my parents have always assumed that we were both
treating each other poorly. However, when I reached out to him & his
family in a very generous manner & he refused me, without
explanation, my parents realized he was the one with a sad heart.
My
parent’s greatest concern is that when they die, my brother & I
will have no connection & therefore the family will disappear. I
suppose because I am so young, I cannot see that occurring. Perhaps when
I am older, my brother will mean something to me.
