Update

I apologize for not writing in so long.  I will endeavor to write at least every other day.  Many wonderful & not so wonderful things have occurred, since July.

I have begun a romantic & sexual relationship, with the full knowledge & approval of James, my live in boyfriend.   Although Landon & I come from different worlds & on the surface he is not someone I would have chosen, I have fallen in love with him.

The three of us have had to become negotiate our new lives.   For the most part, I spend alternating night with each of them, in the same home, but different rooms.  Landon has claimed the 2nd spare bedroom as his, not feeling comfortable in sleeping or having sex in the bedroom I normally share with James.

Things have not been completely smooth.   Both boyfriends love & adore me.  Therefore, I am always the center of attention for both & both always desire my attention, when I am near.  As you can imagine that gets a bit wonky, when the three of us are spending time together, though that is rare.  James has mention that he thinks I focus on Landon more when the three of us are together.  I am unsure of whether that is true.  However, now that I know James's feelings, I have paid more attention to my actions.  On the flip side, Landon feels a sense of wonkiness, when he is around James.   He says he does not feel jealousy or hate, but a feeling of James being proprietary of me.  Landon asked that I not mention these things to James.  I agreed not to, but I did say that he needs to say something to James himself, if he expects anything to change.

Landon has alluded to moving in with James & me.   I would love for that to come true, although I don't think it would be practical any time soon, especially considering the recent revelations from both boyfriends.  In addition, Landon has some real estate he needs to sell, before he decides where he is going to live.  James has not said no to the idea.  There are advantages to three adults living together, including financial stability & larger home.  For us, that would be going from a three bedroom apartment to a single family home.  In my opinion, James should not bring up the topic of living together, until Landon brings it up first.

My life with Virginia, my 14-year-old daughter, has become more sad & stressful.   She has refused to spend Thanksgiving with family, choosing to spend it with her friend.  She has a tendency to act out negatively when she is forced to see her father overnight.  This past week she was suppose to spend four days with him, something she has not done, since she rejected him in the June of 2009.  To make sure that did not occur, she disappeared, going instead to her friends.  Her father left town without her, in order to focus on his holiday with his new family.

I have not been particularly strong in all of this.   I cried out of the sadness Virginia has caused. I have cried of frustration for having to love this child that is virtually impossible to love & now whom I am fighting for custody of on December 20th.  However, I have decided that I will no longer allow her to control me or my emotions.  Sadly, I have become apathetic to my only child.