Tinkle Tinkle Little Star

I headed to my probation officer late last month in order to complete my quarterly pee test. Although many people would complain at such a nuisance, it doesn’t bother me in the slightest, considering I don’t use drugs & to me, it’s just another chapter in my book. As in all things in my world, the simplest of things turned into a comedy routine.

I had prepared in advance of the trip, by drinking as much liquids as I possibly could. However, I seemingly drank too much & at the last moment had to pee at my apartment, before heading to the pee test, 20 minutes away.

When I arrived, I patiently sat & waited for my name to be called. Once called, the admin lady walked with me to pee in my little cup, across the hall in the public restroom. I entered the handicap stall, as she looked on. As I had mentioned in an earlier post, I have difficulty peeing in front of other people, particularly while holding a cup between my legs, when sitting on a cold toilet seat. As I explained my situation to the pee lady, she nodded & began a conversation with a cleaning lady, while shutting my stall door.

I tried. I tried. I swear I tried. I even pushed on my tummy, in hopes of getting few drops. No such luck! The pee lady smiling said that I could get friendly with the drinking fountain, while she took her 15 minute break. I agreed, returning the still sterile & empty cup to her & its plastic bag.

Heading for the water fountain, beside the elevator, I noticed a sight that can only be seen in the Department of Parole & Probation. A young girl, perhaps a teenager, strolled by with an infant in tow, along with a 7 month pregnant belly, carrying a handbag with the Playboy Bunny logo on it. Now I know how she got into that predicament!

As I began to guzzle water at one minute increments, my head & tummy began to swell, as my eyes popped out. I knew for sure I would be able to fill up at least a dozen little pee cups. Happily, when the pee lady returned, we headed for the potties.

I tried. I tried. I swear I tried. I even pushed on my tummy, in hopes of getting few drops. No such luck! So, I casually started singing “Tinkle Tinkle Little Star”. I guess the idea worked, because low & behold, my pee lady scurried into the next stall & began to pee, while singing “Tinkle Tinkle Little Star”! The next person entered & began singing too. When I finally got up, after barely making it to the pee line in the cup, all four stalls were entertaining grown women singing “Tinkle Tinkle Little Star”.

Relived that the pee lady approved my donation, I left for home. You guessed it, once I arrived; I had to pee like a race horse!