" I obviously stuck out like a neon green condom"

I went to my first & apparently last probation appointment today. The lobby was a cesspool of comedy. People in our society think that the vast majority of people on probation & parole are brown people. However, in my county, everyone is beige. I did not see anyone other than redneck white trash for the first hour of waiting for my probation lady. I obviously stuck out like a neon green condom, considering I had no tattoo on my forehead. Now, mind you, I have wanted to bond with my redneck white trash brethren from time to time. However, this was not what I had in mind.

Once I finally saw the probation lady, she was surprised at the amount of the fine, as well as the length of the sentence. I mentioned I was a media focus. We agreed the sentence was harsher as a result of the attention. In reality, I couldn’t care less, as long as I wasn’t in jail.

After asking me a few questions, such as what I did for a living & who I lived with, she said I needed to turn in some paperwork, I left it behind & I would be done. When I asked for clarification on “done”, she responded that I was on administration probation. I do not have to visit on a regular basis, nor do I have to call in, or take drug tests. I have no restrictions on my lifestyle, except I have to notify her, if I move. Oh yeah, I can’t carry a firearm, get high, or beat the shit out of anyone. I guess I will have to cancel that part of my next spa visit!