I
finally chatted with my mother, when she was sober, about my father’s
cancer. She was completely logical & calm, saying that she did not
need me to visit, until she knew for sure something was wrong. This is
the woman who raised me, not the inebriated one I spoke to the day
before. I could tell she was in her no nonsense “nurse” mode. I will go
ahead & listen to her advice & sit tight, until she has further
news.
I
have learned that I do not like being around sick people. They make me
feel helpless, because I cannot help them. In my father’s case, I would
not stay away, simply for that reason. He is the exception.
I
realize that such a notion is a failing in my personality, which is a
bit odd, considering I was raised by a nurse. I have an old boyfriend
who was chronically sick, with epilepsy, sleep apnea, & other
assorted ailments. He was the first sick boy I ever dated. He will also
be the last.
When
I was with him, I was always concerned something was going to happen,
such as a seizure. I also got am icky feeling in my tummy, when I saw
his army of medication of the counter of my bathroom, when he visited
overnight.